MikWright.com - Sales & Clearance

$3 bill... CARD

8/3/2011 3:21:59 PM

i was just three when i met my uncle roy's roommate william. dad still calls him "$3 bill."

CLOSEOUT

$50 an hour CARD

12/21/2012 11:05:00 AM

those were the days. not exactly fancy and free... more like fancy and fifty dollars an hour. happy birthday.

CLOSEOUT

(and in therapy by new year's) CARD

12/23/2012 1:46:24 PM

i'll be home for christmas.
(and in therapy by new year's)

(i cant stand to be around her) ... MikWright COASTER

3/20/2013 2:18:50 PM

4x4x3/16" MikWright coaster
durable, washable, absorbent and fun! "she's one of the sweetest people you'd ever want to meet. (i can't stand to be around her.)"

CLOSEOUT 80% OFF

2012 Engagement Calendar (HARD COVER BOOK) Planner CLOSEOUT

7/13/2012 2:21:21 PM

Clearance . NO RETURNS Originally $15.95 Now $.95

This book style engagement calendar/planner includes a "Notes", "To Do" and "Shopping List" spread after each week, measurement conversions, address pages, birthday & events pages and more! Only the cover of this book contains the famous MikWright humor. (never meant to work) Inside Pages are stock engagement style pages - no humor.

2013 MikWright MAGNETIC Calendar SALE

4/11/2013 11:12:14 AM

"puh-leez, like you never drank dinner?"

Hang this sassy magnetic calendar on your refrigerator, file cabinet or other magnetic surface. This single image with verse calendar comes with tear off calendar pages. Let it be a daily reminder of those special dinners.

50% OFF $1.49

2013 MikWright MINI WALL calendar (7"x7") SALE

4/11/2013 11:12:26 AM

12 fabulous MikWright vintage family and friend photos with hilarious one-liners for all occasions. Whether it be alcohol, gender, or work…there's a sassy comment for it all! Calendar pages are printed on FSC certified paper with environmentally safe inks.

(this size is perfect for your office cubicle!) Reg. $6.99

50% OFF $3.49

2013 MikWright POCKET Calendar SALE

4/11/2013 11:12:42 AM

"do i look like a people person?"

Our fun (single image with verse) 16 month pocket calendar! (3.5" x 6.5")

Includes protective plastic cover and snappy wit. (Inside our pocket calendar contains monthly calendar grids and note areas only)

Reg $5.99

58% OFF $2.49

2013 MikWright WALL Calendar (12"X12") SALE

4/11/2013 11:11:59 AM

a word with your son. COASTER

12/18/2012 10:13:30 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent and fun! "morty, it's time to have a word with your son... again."

CLOSEOUT 80% OFF

admit you have a problem. COASTER

12/2/2012 11:52:21 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "step one. admit you have a problem."

after myself / favorite people.. TRAVEL TUMBLER SALE

3/22/2013 1:22:24 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! perfect for your morning coffee commute! 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe.

"after myself, you're one of my favorite people."

Reg. $13.95

ain't got no list... PHOTO ALBUM

4/19/2010 9:55:02 AM

organize twenty-four 4x6 photos
quickly with this handy portable album that makes an original gift or simply fashionable storage.Includes mailing envelope! copy reads:
i ain't got no list santa. but could you bring mama a complete set of teeth, a veg-o-matic, and a fith of vodka?

alien baby... CARD

8/9/2012 9:59:10 AM

perhaps there was some truth to dorothy's alien abduction story.

CLOSEOUT

all about the shoes... TAMPON CASE

1/11/2013 10:03:21 AM

Tampons, coins, makeup, jewelry... the list goes on. Be hip, be cool, be real. Made of Stainless steel. Holds 3 regular sized tampons. Packed in coordinating printed gift box. 5" X 2" X 5/8"

"it's all about the shoes."

$6 OFF / Reg $15.95

amputated arm CARD

12/21/2012 11:31:39 AM

they tell me i used to lay in bed with father's amputated arm to get me to go to sleep. wasn't that sweet?

as long as there are sidewalks COASTER

12/18/2012 10:17:03 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent.
"honey, don't you worry about getting laid off. as long as there are sidewalks, you'll always have a job."

asparagus tip CARD

8/4/2010 2:48:08 PM

mildred, eunice, and elaine met last saturday in downtown lancaster for lunch at the chat and chew cafe. all hell broke loose when elaine started choking on an asparagus tip. mildred got her emergency procedures screwed up and began mouth to mouth. well, you can imagine the rumors that started.

asphalt CARD

12/21/2012 11:34:59 AM

it's a miracle she made it. this is the girl who thought asphalt was a rectal disorder.

CLOSEOUT

babe magnet CARD

12/10/2012 8:57:48 AM

the salesman was right... what a babe magnet!

happy birthday.

CLOSEOUT

back hair... CARD

9/2/2011 9:41:35 AM

let me down martin! i'm losing my grip on your back hair!

CLOSEOUT

bad hair day CARD

7/11/2011 9:23:40 AM

like you've never had a bad hair day?

CLOSEOUT

balls out of the gutter CARD

6/11/2012 10:14:24 AM

he had a hard time keeping his mind and his balls out of the gutter.

balls out of the gutter... STICKY NOTES

7/27/2010 12:01:55 PM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! sticky notes featuring a classic MikWright photo and caption, "he had a hard time keeping his mind and his balls out of the gutter." (40 sheets)

bear shits in the woods... TRAVEL TUMBLER

10/18/2012 12:44:51 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! "if a bear shits in the woods, should i have a cocktail?" 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe.

been a little gassy... CARD

12/21/2012 11:49:46 AM

sorry i haven't called. i've been a little gassy.

CLOSEOUT

before / after NAPKINS

6/28/2010 10:09:31 AM

20, 3ply napkins featuring our now famous, "before...
...and after images. this napkin will get the party started!

before / after TRAVEL TUMBLER SALE

11/3/2012 2:40:42 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! "before...and after..." makes a great gift too! 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe.

Reg. $13.95

before and after... STICKY NOTES

11/24/2010 9:04:14 AM

finally our MikWright classic
"before and after" card is on a sticky note! (and yes, we know the people in these photos!)

better than average chance... CARD

12/21/2012 11:11:05 AM

there's a better than average chance that norman peed on himself.(it wouldn't be the first time) happy birthday

big. bigger. Large TOTE

10/19/2012 8:42:56 AM

the ever-popular "big. bigger. just right." card is now a large tote. you will look very sassy carrying this tote to your next party!

CLEARANCE 30% OFF

big. bigger. just right. ... HANKY CLOSEOUT

2/6/2012 8:15:05 AM

Wow! MikWright hankies! Now your favorite humor is available for your nose!
10 hankies per package.

big. bigger. just right. PHOTO ALBUM

5/1/2012 4:34:43 PM

organize twenty-four 4x6 photos
quickly with this handy portable album that makes an original gift or simply fashionable storage.Includes mailing envelope! "big.bigger.
just right."

CLEARANCE

blow up at a moments notice CARD

12/21/2012 12:18:22 PM

i think what makes martha
so charming is her ability
to blow up at a moments notice.

both be tickled CARD

1/13/2011 1:53:15 PM

if i had that set of wheels and he had a feather up his ass, we'd both be tickled.

happy birthday.

both nipples! PHOTO ALBUM

8/29/2011 9:49:42 AM

organize twenty-four 4x6 photos
quickly with this handy portable album that makes an original gift or simply fashionable storage.Includes mailing envelope! "you're kidding! i get both nipples?"

CLEARANCE 50% OFF

Boxed Holiday Cards ... dear santa

1/11/2013 9:24:43 AM

Inside you'll find incredibly fun printed (non photo attached) holiday cards with all the holiday humor you expect from MikWright! INSIDE reads: "dear santa, here's a picture of our chimney. please e-mail me the dimensions of your ass, because i don't think this is gonna work. love, emily"
12 cards with envelopes.

Boxed Holiday Cards ... therapy by new years.

1/11/2013 9:24:55 AM

Inside you'll find incredibly fun printed (non photo attached) holiday cards with all the holiday humor you expect from MikWright! INSIDE reads: "i'll be home for christmas. (and in therapy by new year's)"
12 cards with envelopes.

Boxed Holiday CARDS ... trip to the liquor store.

1/11/2013 9:24:16 AM

Inside you'll find incredibly fun printed (non photo attached) holiday cards with all the holiday humor you expect from MikWright! 12 cards with envelopes. INSIDE reads: "holidays with the family are always a trip...a trip to the liquor store".

Boxed Holiday Cards .... monica/martini

1/11/2013 9:24:28 AM

Inside you'll find incredibly fun printed (non photo attached) holiday cards with all the holiday humor you expect from MikWright! INSIDE reads: "monica, dear, there is no santa. now be a sweetheart and fix mommy another martini". (happy holidays). 12 cards with envelopes.

brontosaurus CARD

3/4/2013 11:42:10 AM

many scientists believe that the brontosaurus could consume up to 3 tons of vegetation a day. that's a lot of crap! happy birthday.

CLOSEOUT

call the prison... CARD

4/30/2013 2:41:26 PM

now if you kids can't stand still, i'm going to call the prison and tell your mother!

carnival girl CARD

5/9/2013 12:15:15 PM

i love you madly!

center of attention... NAPKINS

1/13/2011 9:43:45 AM

package of 20 3-ply beverage napkins. perfect for that show-off friend. napkin reads:
must you always be the center of attention?

chimney / dimensions of your ass CARD

12/23/2012 1:47:12 PM

dear santa,
here's a picture of our chimney. please e-mail me the dimensions of your ass, because i don't think this is gonna work. love, emily

coffee CARD

1/3/2013 1:51:10 PM

we have so much to talk about.

come out with your hands up. NAPKINS

2/1/2011 11:28:25 AM

perk up any party with this napkin! napkin reads, "mom, please put the cocktail down and come out with your hands up!" 20 3ply napkins.

come out with your hands up... COASTER

12/3/2011 11:26:26 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "mom, please put the cocktail down and come out with your hands up!"

constipated the marriage... COASTER

12/18/2012 10:15:17 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent and fun! "after renewing their vows, they constipated the marriage."

CLOSEOUT 80% OFF

cougar / catnip... PURSE PAD

10/18/2012 1:26:25 PM

"cougar need some catnip?"

Perfect for note taking on the go, fits in your pocket or purse. Each epoxy front memo pad has a locking pen loop that we outfit wtih a mini ballpoint. Each pad has 56 pages. 4 1/4" X 2 3/4" X 1/4"

cough syrup CARD

12/28/2009 12:00:45 PM

has anyone seen the cough syrup?

couldn't believe the size... STICKY NOTES

11/20/2010 2:06:44 PM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! here's a sticky note that will have them in stitches!
"after i got him home i couldn't believe the size of it. later i went fishing."
(40 sheets)

cruise online... CARD

3/10/2012 8:00:44 AM

you know dad. he saved a fortune booking our cruise online. (likewise, 30 years later we saved a fortune booking him into that condemned nursing home featured on datewatch)

curb your pet! CARD

12/21/2012 12:21:29 PM

curb your pet!

CLOSEOUT

d.n.a. results... STICKY NOTES

7/27/2010 12:04:13 PM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! 40 sheet pad of sticky notes.
"don't worry sweetie, we'll know soon. the d.n.a. results come back friday." (jerry springer needs these!)

daydream CARD

5/9/2013 12:15:28 PM

my daydream goes something like this...

dear abbey / easy bake oven. NAPKINS

9/8/2010 9:59:46 AM

20, 3-ply beverage napkins.
caption reads: dear abbey,
my son seems fascinated with my daughter's easy-bake oven. do you think i should have a cocktail?

dear santa... NOTEPAD

11/12/2009 12:15:25 PM

85 sheet magnetic fridge notepad. we love this notepad!
dear santa, here's a picture of our chimney. please e-mail me the dimensions of your ass, because i don't think this is gonna work. love, emily

discount sperm bank TRAVEL TUMBLER

10/18/2012 12:51:12 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! "someone should have warned lisa's mother about the pitfalls of using a discount sperm bank." 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe.

discount sperm bank... PILL / CONDOM CASE

12/11/2012 4:12:48 PM

Hip Retro, MikWright Personal Cases are perfect for pills, jewelry, condoms and all sorts of must-have trinkets. Removable plastic insert dividers give you tons of options to organize and prepare for almost anything.

"someone should have warned lisa's mother about the pitfalls of using a discount sperm bank."

$3 OFF

discount sperm bank... MikWright COASTER

11/3/2012 4:39:25 PM

4"x 4" foam coaster. durable,
absorbent, washable and tons of fun! "someone should have warned lisa's mother about the pitfalls of using a discount sperm bank."

do something about your hair CARD

12/28/2009 10:42:55 AM

from my house to yours...

can't you do something about your hair?

season's greetings.

does this turkey STICKY NOTES

9/21/2012 9:51:39 AM

sticky notes should be fun- and this one is hilarious!
caption reads: does this turkey make my butt look big?
(40 sheets)

does this turkey... medium TOTE

11/29/2010 9:48:44 AM

the perfect bag!
caption reads: does this turkey make my butt look big?

dog paddle... CARD

5/30/2012 10:58:54 AM

hence the phrase... dog paddle.

CLOSEOUT

doggie bag CARD

12/21/2012 11:04:17 AM

i should have known better than to ask for a doggie bag at a chinese restaurant. happy birthday.

don't blame me wanda... PILL / CONDOM CASE

12/11/2012 4:15:10 PM

Hip Retro, MikWright Personal Cases are perfect for pills, jewelry, condoms and all sorts of must-have trinkets. Removable plastic insert dividers give you tons of options to organize and prepare for almost anything.

"don't blame me, wanda! i specifically told you it took four "d" size batteries and not to use it in the bathtub".

$3 OFF

dont hate me COASTER

1/11/2013 10:01:31 AM

4"x 4" foam coaster.durable,
washable, absorbent and lots of fun! "don't hate me because
i'm fabulous."

Reg. $3.50

doors CARD

5/9/2013 12:16:13 PM

the choice will become obvious.

drama queen... NOTEPAD

11/12/2009 12:14:35 PM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! it's classic MikWright humor on an 85 sheet magnetic notepad! pad reads: "much like yourself, christine enjoyed drama and was a queen."

drinks well with others TRAVEL TUMBLER SALE

10/18/2012 12:44:15 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! perfect for your morning coffee commute! "drinks well with others." 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe.

Reg. $13.95

drinks well with others. HANKY CLOSEOUT

1/11/2012 8:43:34 AM

a hanky that says it all!
"drinks well with others"
(10 count per pack)

drinks well with others. TALLEY PAD

12/28/2011 10:04:25 AM

here's a bridge talley pad that says it all. "drinks well with others."

CLOSEOUT 50% OFF

drunk by seven MAGNET

11/29/2010 8:34:35 AM

you gotta get this magnet! it's one of our personal favorties! magnet reads, "mother of five. grandmother of twelve. drunk by seven.

drunk by seven MikWright COASTER

11/30/2011 2:49:55 PM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent.
"mother of five. grandmother of twelve. drunk by seven."

drunk by seven... NAPKINS

12/3/2010 3:17:40 PM

package of 20 3-ply beverage napkins. have a cocktail ... or several! napkin reads:
"mother five. grandmother of twelve. drunk by seven."

drunk by seven... PHOTO ALBUM

1/11/2013 9:59:33 AM

organize twenty-four 4x6 photos
quickly with this handy portable album that makes an original gift or simply fashionable storage.Includes mailing envelope! "mother of five. grandmother of twelve.
drunk by seven."

CLEARANCE Reg $4.95 / $4 off

ed's got gas... CARD

6/25/2010 11:52:46 AM

i'll say one thing about ed... when it comes to gas, he's always got it. happy birthday.

eight inches CARD

1/14/2013 9:26:02 AM

so i called mavis to tell her i got eight inches last night and, of course, the bitch claimed she got nine. happy holidays.

eldora's breasts CARD

12/21/2012 11:32:04 AM

eldora couldn't resist a chance to look at leona's half exposed breasts.

elvis in your planters wart... CARD

2/13/2012 10:46:37 AM

oh my goodness!
i can see the image of elvis in your planters wart.

CLOSEOUT

emmett reached the peak COASTER

12/18/2012 10:14:19 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent.
"when emmett reached the peak, he got off."

CLOSEOUT 80% OFF

empty boxes... CARD

12/23/2012 1:48:52 PM

the kids? out back playing with their new empty boxes.
season's greetings.

ended the relationship... STICKY NOTES

7/27/2010 12:02:51 PM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! one of our most popular sticky notes! "we ended the relationship as friends. you can e-mail him at lying-cheating-son-of-bitch.com" (40 sheets)

enjoyed drama/ was a queen. NAPKINS

5/1/2012 9:32:51 AM

20, 3-ply napkins that will turn your next party into a blast! caption reads: much like yourself, christine enjoyed drama and was a queen.

esther/flowering bush CARD

12/21/2012 11:29:19 AM

esther still stands a little funny as seen here with her flowering bush. just last week she said her hemorrhoids hurt her like a sore-ass duck on a salt pond.

every last one has been a dog. CARD

2/15/2012 7:07:16 PM

poor guy...
every last one has been a dog.

CLOSEOUT

exhausting being right ... TRAVEL TUMBLER

10/18/2012 12:54:04 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! perfect for your morning coffee commute! "it's exhausting always being right." 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe.

fallen and i can't get it up... COASTER

12/18/2012 10:13:55 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "i've fallen and i can't get it up."

CLOSEOUT 80% OFF

farts during foreplay... COASTER

12/2/2012 11:53:57 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "her handicap? she farts during foreplay."

CLOSEOUT 80% OFF

feeling anal... CARD

6/6/2011 9:40:58 PM

feeling a little anal?

CLOSEOUT

feelings CARD

7/22/2010 10:11:10 AM

i was truly moved by your mother's rendition of "feelings."

felt like a fart. PHOTO ALBUM

11/26/2010 11:26:33 AM

Organize twenty-four 4x6 photos
quickly with this handy portable album that makes an original gift or simply fashionable storage. Includes mailing envelope! album cover reads: i'm sorry santa. it "felt" like just a fart. happy holidays.

fifteen minutes from bankruptcy. COASTER

12/17/2012 8:08:29 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent and fun! "we all know one. yoga student, vegetarian, democrat, fifteen minutes from bankruptcy."

fifth of vodka (holiday) beverage NAPKINS

12/28/2009 12:04:42 PM

20 3-ply beverage napkins for every white-trash holiday get together. napkin reads, "i ain't got no list, santa. but, could you bring mama a complete set of teeth, a veg-o-matic and a fifth of vodka?"

filthy chat room NAPKINS

8/8/2011 11:05:13 AM

a napkin for today's internet chat room world. pure fun!
napkin reads, "hi. thought
you should know who you've been spilling your guts to in that filthy chat room." (20, 3ply napkins)

CLOSEOUT 50% OFF

firemen / look alright? CARD

12/21/2012 11:30:03 AM

now that i've got old lady kravitz' house set on fire, it should be about three minutes before those big, strong firemen arrive. do i look alright?

fits my wallet. CARD

12/23/2012 1:47:38 PM

(whatever it is, i just hope it fits in my wallet or my liquor cabinet.)

floatation device CARD

5/31/2012 1:56:16 PM

listen, if she gets one more breast enlargement she'll be
approved as a floatation device.
happy birthday.

floatation device.. MikWright COASTER

7/5/2011 12:26:25 PM

4x4x3/16" foam coaster.
durable, washable, absorbent and just plain FUN! "listen, if she gets one more breast enlargement she'll be approved as a floatation device."

flowers to arrange. NOTEPAD

7/13/2009 10:52:12 AM

CLOSEOUT SALE!!85 sheet magnetic refrigerator notepad. pad reads, "o.k., now that's enough boys! we've got flowers to arrange."

for the love of god, kathleen CARD

12/21/2012 1:24:45 PM

for the love of god, kathleen, he doesn't care about your hair! and if he does, maybe he should be going out with your brother.

foreplay CARD

12/21/2012 12:19:24 PM

her handicap?
she farts during foreplay.

friskey devil... CARD

1/13/2011 1:55:37 PM

i'll drink to that you frisky devil!

full moon CARD

1/13/2011 9:38:54 AM

step right up... just 50 cents to see a full moon in broad daylight.

full of crap. beverage NAPKINS

2/14/2013 9:52:45 AM

pack of 20, 3-ply napkins. we guarantee your guests will love these! "like most politicians my pants are full of crap."

CLOSEOUT 50% OFF

full on bitch mode. MUG CLOSEOUT

1/20/2012 1:47:37 PM

12 oz. porcelain mug. (your new favorite mug!)

"that's the look she gets before she goes into full on bitch mode"

40% OFF CLOSEOUT

full on bitch mode... LUGGAGE TAG

3/26/2012 5:45:54 PM

Here's a luggage tag that will identify your bag as uniquely yours and also add some fun to your travels!

"that's the look she gets just before she goes into "full-on-bitch" mode."

Tag is made of durable plastic featuring ample area on the back to write your name and contact information.

CLEARANCE 30% OFF

full on bitch mode... TRAVEL TUMBLER SALE

1/16/2013 1:24:53 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! perfect for your morning coffee commute! 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe.

"that's the look she gets just before she goes into full on bitch mode."

Reg. $13.95

full-on-bitch mode... TAMPON CASE

1/11/2013 10:04:16 AM

future in foundations... CARD

12/19/2012 3:16:44 PM

selling cosmetics dorm to dorm started out as a goof. but, the day they delivered his pink cadillac, david knew he had a future in foundations.

CLOSEOUT

gimme your wallet (gotta love n.y.) CARD

12/21/2012 1:29:09 PM

give me your tired, your poor... gimme your wallet! (you gotta love new york)

CLOSEOUT

girl, you keep talkin'...TRAVEL TUMBLER SALE

10/18/2012 12:45:22 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! perfect for your morning coffee commute! "girl, you keep talkin' but, you ain't sayin' nothin'." 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe.

Reg. $13.95

give a shit... COSMETIC BAG

2/20/2012 9:31:52 AM

your makeup deserves a bag like this! "i couldn't give a shit if i tried."

glad to be in continent CARD

8/20/2012 12:08:32 PM

of course they laughed, you twit! you told everyone that you were finally back from hawaii and glad to be in continent. happy birthday.

glimpse of bad side... CARD

12/21/2012 11:48:01 AM

it wasn't until we got to the islands that i got a glimpse of his bad side.

CLOSEOUT

glued my eyes shut... CARD

12/21/2012 11:38:48 AM

it was the last time i ever saw wes. that night i accidentally glued my eyes shut in crafts class.

CLOSEOUT

go green / apple martini... TRAVEL TUMBLER SALE

11/3/2012 2:54:02 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! perfect for your morning coffee commute! 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe.

"i'm doing my part to green. today for lunch i had three apple martinis".

Reg. $13.95

go green... FLASK

11/19/2012 9:11:50 AM

The MikWright 7 oz stainless steel flask is in a class by itself. The snappy funnel makes fixing your favorite beverage a cinch. Fill ’er up... toss it in your bag... off you go. Save a small fortune on pool bar drinks!

"i'm doing my part to go green. today for lunch i had three apple martinis."

got her first cycle. CARD

12/21/2012 12:22:25 PM

it was the period between fifth and sixth grade when she got her first cycle.

got her first cycle... COASTER

11/3/2012 4:46:01 PM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "it was the period between fifth and sixth grade when she got her first cycle."

CLOSEOUT

got nipple? CARD

12/21/2012 11:53:49 AM

got nipple?

CLOSEOUT

granda was smashed... NAPKINS

1/11/2012 9:01:26 AM

package of 20, 3-ply napkins.

"twas the night before christmas and grandma was smashed."

grandma balked MikWright COASTER

5/15/2013 11:37:52 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent.

"yes ... grandma balked at first, but we haven't seen a crow since."

grandma was smashed. CARD

12/23/2012 1:45:02 PM

'twas the night before christmas and grandma was smashed.

grandma was smashed... COASTER

12/28/2009 11:57:12 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "twas the night before christmas and grandma was smashed."

grandma's guest towels... CARD

12/23/2012 1:49:58 PM

amber alert. last seen using grandma's holiday guest towels.

CLOSEOUT

happy alcoholiday! BAR TOWEL

11/14/2011 8:56:06 AM

it's MikWright's super soft, super absorbent, super hilarious, 100% cotton bar towel!

"happy alcoholiday!"

CLOSEOUT 30% OFF

happy campers MikWright COASTER

1/29/2013 8:58:12 AM

4x4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent.
"meet sven and olga, the original happy campers."

happy campers... beverage NAPKINS

1/25/2011 8:39:24 AM

we love these napkins! 20 count, 3 ply napkins, with our famous caption, "the original happy campers."

happy campers... CARD

1/12/2011 2:41:46 PM

meet sven and olga, the original happy campers.

have a cocktail. (holiday) NAPKINS

2/14/2013 9:54:22 AM

package of 20, 3-ply holiday beverage napkins. napkin reads: "every year during the holidays it's nice to just relax and have a cocktail. and then after the holidays, it's nice to just relax and have a cocktail."

have a cocktail... STICKY NOTES

1/20/2012 10:30:21 AM

great sticky note! (40 sheets)
caption reads: every year during the holidays it's nice to just relax and have a cocktail. and then, after the holidays, it's nice to just relax and have a cocktail.

have and to hold... FLASK SET

4/3/2013 10:27:17 AM

"to have and to hold, from this day forward."

Sassy 5 oz. stainless steel MikWright Flask comes complete with two sexy shot glasses and a snappy funnel. It’s perfect for a power lunch with the boss or a quiet moment in the park.

haven't checked the pound CARD

3/19/2012 12:13:56 PM

now that he's gone, i love you best! but remember, we still haven't checked the pound.

happy birthday.

CLOSEOUT

hell / get up morning... TRAVEL TUMBLER SALE

11/2/2012 5:28:29 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! perfect for your morning coffee commute! 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe.

"why the hell do i even get up in the morning?"

Reg. $13.95

hoe down... PURSE PAD

3/22/2013 1:27:04 PM

"honey, you ain't the only ho at this hoedown!"

Perfect for note taking on the go, fits in your pocket or purse. Each epoxy front memo pad has a locking pen loop that we outfit wtih a mini ballpoint. Each pad has 56 page. 4 1/4" X 2 3/4" X 1/4"

home for christmas... COASTER

1/13/2011 11:16:14 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "i'll be home for christmas. (and in therapy by new year's)

home for christmas... NOTEPAD

11/12/2009 12:15:01 PM

85 sheet magnetic fridge pad,
featuring a classic MikWright line, "i'll be home for christmas. (and in therapy by new year's)

home for the holidays (holiday) NOTEPAD

12/28/2009 11:01:43 AM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! 85 sheet refrigerator notepad. reads "i ran into so many pricks that day i thought i was home for the holidays."

home to mother! CARD

8/16/2011 9:28:19 AM

i've had it with that bastard! i'm going home to mother!

homework / cocktails... TRAVEL TUMBLER

10/18/2012 12:49:31 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! makes a great gift! 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe!

"you kids put that homework away! these cocktails aren't gonna refill themselves."

house i grew up in CARD

11/29/2012 3:01:23 PM

this was the house i grew up in. not much, but it sure beats that piece of shit trailer park you came from.

i call it a hobby TRAVEL TUMBLER SALE

10/18/2012 12:51:33 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler!

"some people call it a problem. i call it a hobby."

16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe.

Reg. $13.95

i can always regift it. NOTEPAD

11/12/2009 12:15:46 PM

85 sheet magnetic fridge notepad. perfect for holiday shopping lists! "it's sort of the one i wanted. but hell, i can always regift it."

i can hear you CARD

4/30/2012 9:03:26 AM

you don't have to yell! obviously i can hear you. happy birthday.

CLOSEOUT

i love it. what is it? NAPKINS

12/28/2009 12:04:15 PM

20 3-ply holiday beverage napkins catching the essence of re-gifting! napkin reads, "i love it (what is it?) it's perfect (what were they thinking?) it's just what i wanted! (i hope they saved the receipt!)

i love it. what is it? CARD

12/23/2012 1:43:40 PM

i love it!

(what is it?)

it's perfect!

(what were they thinking?)

it's just what i wanted!

(i hope they saved the receipt)

happy holidays.

i tawt i taw a puddy tat. CARD

12/21/2012 12:27:07 PM

i tawt i taw a puddy tat.

CLOSEOUT

i'm fabulous... LUGGAGE TAG

12/23/2012 2:20:59 PM

Here's a luggage tag that will identify your bag as uniquely yours and also add some fun to your travels!

"don't hate me because i'm fabulous"

Tag is made of durable plastic featuring ample area on the back to write your name and contact information.

CLEARANCE

in touch with my inner self... MikWright COASTER

4/19/2012 9:39:40 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent and a blast!
"i'm trying to stay in touch with my inner self. (which, incidentally is illegal in 37 states.)"

CLOSEOUT 89% OFF

in your wildest dreams... STICKY NOTES

7/27/2010 12:02:11 PM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! a sticky note that makes 'em laugh! caption reads, "in your wildest dreams!" (40 sheets)

in-laws unannounced CARD

6/11/2012 10:12:58 AM

leave it to the in-laws to show up unannounced.

CLOSEOUT

induced mary... CARD

12/23/2012 1:50:46 PM

word on the street is, they induced mary on the 25th so joseph could use the baby as a tax deduction.
merry christmas!

inner self... STICKY NOTES

7/27/2010 12:06:07 PM

it's time to upgrade your sticky notes to MikWright's hilarious versions! "i'm trying to stay in touch with my inner self. (which, incidentally, is illegal in 37 states)" (40 sheets)

interpretive dance CARD

11/14/2011 7:50:46 AM

mabel! are you teaching that boy to cook? what next... interpretive dance?

CLOSEOUT

isn't that queer CARD

10/20/2010 10:38:40 AM

george always seemed to have a lot in common with the ladies. often he would stop by dottie's to gossip over brunch. then it was straight back to the machine shop. isn't that queer? happy birthday.

it eats. it sleeps. it poops. COASTER

9/14/2012 1:57:29 PM

4x4x3/16" MikWright coaster.
durable, washable, absorbent and fun! "hmmm. it eats. it sleeps. it poops. it already takes after dad."

jane likes dick COASTER

10/17/2011 9:41:06 AM

4"x 4" foam coaster.durable,
washable, absorbent and lots of fun! "jane likes dick.
dick has a big...rooster."

CLOSEOUT 80% OFF

jeanie's ultrasound CARD

2/15/2012 7:06:47 PM

jeanie had her ultrasound today and the doctor believes it's a girl.
(or a boy with a very small penis)

CLOSEOUT

jessica (holiday) beverage NAPKINS

11/12/2009 12:54:08 PM

package of 20, 3-ply holiday beverage napkins. one of our holiday favorites! napkin reads: "happy holidays everyone! kent is now eleven and still wets the bed. danny turns eight in january and is failing remedial math class. timmy, our six year old, only answers to "jessica"."

just married ... MikWright COASTER

12/2/2012 11:53:08 AM

4"x 4" foam coaster.durable,
washable, absorbent and lots of fun! "how many times can the bitch reuse that sign?"

CLOSEOUT 80% OFF

kick your dog's ass CARD

12/21/2012 11:08:12 AM

my dog could totally kick your
dog's ass!

happy birthday.

kids better off than us... NAPKINS

2/14/2013 9:53:49 AM

package of 20, 3-ply beverage napkins.

where's it written that our kids should be better off than us?

(Christmas tree in the image)

kids better off... CARDS

12/23/2012 1:51:33 PM

where's it written that our kids should be better off than us?
happy holidays.

knick knacks NOTEPAD

11/12/2009 12:14:12 PM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! 85 sheet magnetic notepad.
the photo is priceless! pad reads: not sure what to get me for christmas?
i could always use a few more knick-knacks.

knick-knacks... beverage NAPKINS

11/12/2009 12:57:46 PM

a pack of 20, 3-ply napkins.
check out the photo! caption reads: not sure what to get me for christmas? i could always use a few more knick-knacks.

laid on NOTEPAD

12/10/2008 1:06:59 PM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! 85 sheet magnetic notepad
with our now famous words:
"you know, with everybody getting laid off, i'm just wondering when i'm going to get laid on."

lake norman CARD

12/21/2012 11:30:35 AM

lake norman was a wonderful spot to ponder the past and to "let" a silent killer if you so happened to be downwind.

last time i checked it was now... TRAVEL TUMBLER

10/18/2012 12:51:49 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! perfect for your morning coffee commute! 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe.

"sure i like a cocktail every now and again. and the last time i checked it was now".

happy birthday

last year for christmas. NOTEPAD

11/10/2009 11:41:18 AM

85 sheet magnetic notepad.
(we love this notepad!) pad reads: hey! remember what you gave me last year for christmas? well, the cream finally cleared it up.

later i went fishing... CARD

6/11/2012 9:48:10 AM

after i got him home i couldn't believe the size of it. later i went fishing.

CLOSEOUT

life's a bitch...then you fry. NAPKINS

2/15/2013 9:24:40 AM

pack of 20, 3-ply beverage napkins. another MikWright classic!
"life's a bitch...then you fry.

CLOSEOUT 50% OFF

like mother like son. CARD

12/23/2012 1:52:24 PM

like mother, like son.

happy holidays.

lipstick and a wig... CARD

12/21/2012 11:51:26 AM

dear mom, prison is not so bad after all. my cellmate, leon, is really nice. p.s. please send lipstick and a wig.

CLOSEOUT

little blue pill. COASTER

6/10/2011 3:57:18 PM

4x4x3/16" MikWright coaster.
durable, washable, absorbent and fun! "ever since they discovered the "little blue pill" you couldn't wipe that smirk off grandma's face."

logo T-SHIRT (large)

8/10/2012 3:55:28 PM

large white t-shirt with our MikWright logo on the front.
Come on now, YOU need this Tee!

logo T-SHIRT (medium)

11/12/2012 10:57:41 AM

medium white t-shirt with our MikWright logo on the front.

logo T-SHIRT (small)

8/10/2012 3:56:16 PM

Great t-shirt with our MikWright logo on the front.
(you'll be the envy of everyone!) 100% cotton.

logo T-SHIRT (xlarge)

12/2/2012 12:10:01 PM

xlarge white t-shirt with our MikWright logo on the front.

looking for a rich old geezer... COASTER

10/4/2012 10:27:39 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent.

"everyone seems to be looking for their equal. as for me, i'm in the market for some rich, old geezer on life support."

lose it / decorate it... COSMETIC BAG

1/11/2013 10:00:19 AM

when it comes to makeup bags this one takes the cake! "when it comes to dieting, remember one simple rule... "if you can't lose it, decorate it."

CLEARANCE $5 off

lose it decorate it. MUG CLOSEOUT

12/1/2012 3:41:43 PM

12 oz. porcelain mug featuring words to live by, "when it comes to dieting, remember one simple rule... if you can't lose it, decorate it." (microwave and dishwasher safe too!)

CLOSEOUT

lose it decorate it. Bridge SCOREPAD

11/19/2012 8:52:55 AM

spice up your bridge game with MikWright's hilarious score pad! "when it comes to dieting, remember one simple rule... if you can't lose it decorate it."

CLOSEOUT 50% OFF

lose it decorate it. Bridge TALLEY PAD

6/30/2011 3:43:25 PM

you're gonna love this talley pad! great photo with hilarious caption. "when it comes to dieting, remember one simple rule... "if you can't lose it, decorate it."

CLOSEOUT 30% OFF

lose it decorate it... TRAVEL TUMBLER SALE

3/22/2013 1:21:53 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! "when it comes to dieting, remember one simple rule... if you can't lose it, decorate it." 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe.
Reg. $13.95

love hurts. MikWright COASTER

10/15/2012 9:17:12 AM

4"x 4" foam coaster. durable, washable, absorbent and tons of fun!

"love hurts."

love X3 CARD

5/9/2013 12:15:39 PM

i love you. i love you. i love you.

loves her some boxed wine... TRAVEL TUMBLER SALE

10/18/2012 12:49:12 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! perfect for your morning coffee commute! 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe.

"mama loves her some boxed wine."

Reg. $13.95

low on vodka HANKY CLOSEOUT

1/27/2012 9:55:12 AM

you'll love this hanky! and there's 10 in a pack! caption reads:
for the record... the only problem i have with alcohol is that i'm running low on vodka.

low on vodka... BAR TOWEL

11/14/2011 8:56:31 AM

it's MikWright's super soft, super absorbent, super hilarious, 100% cotton bar towel! "for the record... the only problem i have with alcohol is that i'm running low on vodka."

CLOSEOUT 30% OFF

low on vodka... FLASK

12/11/2012 4:20:32 PM

The MikWright 7 oz stainless steel flask is in a class by itself. The snappy funnel makes fixing your favorite beverage a cinch. Fill ’er up... toss it in your bag... off you go. Save a small fortune on pool bar drinks!

"for the record...the only problem i have with alcohol is that i'm running low on vodka."

$12 OFF

low on vodka... PHOTO ALBUM

12/28/2011 10:18:16 AM

organize twenty-four 4x6 photos
quickly with this handy portable album that makes an original gift or simply fashionable storage.Includes mailing envelope! "for the record...the only problem i have with alcohol is that i'm running low on vodka."

CLEARANCE 50% OFF

lying s.o.b. CARD

12/21/2012 11:33:03 AM

i'm still waiting for that letter you promised... you lying son-of-a-bitch!

lying-cheating-son-of-a-bitch.com ... MikWright COASTER

1/25/2013 9:00:17 AM

4"x 4" foam coaster.durable,
washable,vabsorbent and lots of fun! "we ended the relationship as friends. you
can e-mail him at lying-cheating-son-of-a-bitch.com"

mama loves boxed wine... FLASK

12/11/2012 4:20:09 PM

mama's half buzzed... FLASK

12/11/2012 4:19:21 PM

The MikWright 7 oz stainless steel flask is in a class by itself. The snappy funnel makes fixing your favorite beverage a cinch. Fill ’er up... toss it in your bag... off you go. Save a small fortune on pool bar drinks!

"honey, just between us girls... mama's half buzzed."

$12 OFF

man chasing booze hound COASTER

11/3/2012 4:39:12 PM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent.
"she was nothing but a man-chasing booze hound. why can't you be more like her?"

marcian! marcian! marcian! CARD

12/21/2012 1:20:52 PM

marcian! marcian! marcian! why is everything always about marcian?

CLOSEOUT

margaritas... FLASK SET

12/6/2012 5:12:01 PM

"now remember kids... no running, no diving, and no salt on my margaritas."

Sassy 5 oz. stainless steel MikWright Flask comes complete with two sexy shot glasses and a snappy funnel. It’s perfect for a power lunch with the boss or a quiet moment in the park.

momma get out of there! CARD

12/21/2012 11:52:47 AM

now momma, get out of there! it's time for your medicine.

CLOSEOUT

momma loves her some eggnog BOOK

12/27/2012 11:05:58 AM

hilarious holiday complilation book featuring MikWright holiday classics!
(perfect stocking stuffer!)

mommy calling... FLASK

12/11/2012 4:19:34 PM

monica / martini ... PHOTO ALBUM

11/12/2012 9:57:16 AM

organize twenty-four 4x6 photos
quickly with this handy portable album that makes an original gift or simply fashionable storage. Includes mailing envelope! "monica,
dear, that was a precious little story. now, be a sweetheart and fix mommy another martini."

CLEARANCE

monica / martini... BAR TOWEL

7/10/2012 1:12:42 PM

it's MikWright's super soft, super absorbent, super hilarious, 100% cotton bar towel! "monica dear, that was a precious little story. now, be a sweet heart and fix mommy another martini."

70% off

monica / martini... TRAVEL TUMBLER SALE

11/3/2012 2:40:19 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! "monica dear, that was a precious little story. now, be a sweetheart and fix mommy another martini."

16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe.
Reg. $13.95

monica martini HANKY

1/13/2012 9:34:13 AM

10 hilarious hankies!
caption reads: monica, dear, that was a precious little story. now, be a sweetheart and fix mommy another martini.

monica martini... FLASK

4/2/2013 10:40:55 AM

When you whip this one out, it WILL draw attention. The MikWright 7 oz stainless steel flask is in a class by itself. The snappy funnel makes fixing your favorite beverage a cinch. Fill ’er up... toss it in your bag... off you go. Save a small fortune on pool bar drinks!

"monica, dear, that was a precious little story. now, be a sweetheart and fix mommy another martini."

$15 OFF

monica there is no santa MAGNET

8/13/2012 9:23:26 AM

great holiday magnet for your fridge! magnet reads: monica, dear, there is no santa. now, be a sweetheart and fix mommy another martini.

monica there is no santa. NOTEPAD

11/3/2009 2:33:48 PM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! 85 sheet magnetic notepad.
you gotta get this pad! pad reads: monica, dear,
there is no santa. now be a sweetheart and fix mommy another martini.

monica there is no santa... NAPKINS

1/11/2012 12:34:15 PM

package of 20, 3 ply napkins.

"monica dear, there is no santa.
now be a sweetheart and fix mommy another martini."

happy holidays.

monica, no santa... CARD

12/23/2012 1:44:01 PM

monica, dear, there is no santa. now, be a sweetheart and fix mommy another martini.

happy holidays.

monica/martini ... MikWright APRON

8/1/2011 9:36:04 AM

it's one of our classics- now on an apron!

"monica dear, that was a precious little story. now, be a sweetheart and fix mommy another martini."

Generously sized 100% cotton with adjustable D-ring neck. Machine wash and dry.

CLOSEOUT 30% OFF

mother of five... BRIDGE TALLEY PAD

4/11/2013 2:56:03 PM

here's the tally pad you've always wanted!
mother of five, grandmother of twelve, drunk by seven."

CLOSEOUT $3 OFF

mother was booked. CARD

8/29/2012 9:58:17 AM

so i had this great idea to get you a stripper for your birthday, but mother was booked. happy birthday.

mouth CARD

8/16/2010 9:59:59 AM

(can't you just imagine sitting next to "mouth" on a greyhound bound for austin.)

mr. right now STICKY NOTES

7/27/2010 11:58:12 AM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! a pad of sticky notes featuring our hunky family farmer. (yes we know this man!)
caption reads, "finally,mr. right!(or at least mr. right now)" (40 sheets)

mr. right now NOTEPAD

3/10/2011 10:07:51 AM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! 85 sheet magnetic refrigerator notepad.
note pad reads: "finally, mr. right. ( or at least mr. right now.)

mr. right now... beverage NAPKINS

8/10/2010 10:07:17 AM

package of 20, 3-ply beverage napkins. napkin reads: "finally mr. right.(or at least mr. right now)"

mushroom soup CARD

4/11/2013 11:13:28 AM

doll, for your birthday i have some valuable advice. never use a store brand cream of mushroom soup and never let 'em know you faked it.

my job to disappoint you... COASTER

11/3/2012 4:48:12 PM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent and fun!
"but mommy, it's my job to disappoint you... just like you disappointed your mother."

80% off CLOSEOUT

my life is so perfect... FLASK SET

12/6/2012 5:12:33 PM

"my life is so perfect, i'm looking for a problem to drink about".

Sassy 5 oz. stainless steel MikWright Flask comes complete with two sexy shot glasses and a snappy funnel. It’s perfect for a power lunch with the boss or a quiet moment in the park.

my ob/gyn... TRAVEL TUMBLER SALE

10/18/2012 12:49:54 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! makes a great gift! 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe!

"if there is a god, please let this guy be my ob/gyn."

Reg. $13.95

my summer vacation ... PHOTO ALBUM

10/4/2012 10:28:29 AM

organize twenty-four 4x6 photos
quickly with this handy portable album that makes an original gift or simply fashionable storage.Includes mailing envelope! "my summer vacation was fun. we went to the washington monument. my sister got cramps. my brother lost his retainer. mom cried a lot. dad took us to an orphanage."

CLEARANCE

my summer vacation... MikWright COASTER

2/1/2013 1:53:03 PM

4"x 4" foam coaster.washable,
durable,vabsorbent and lots of fun! "my summer vacation was fun. we went to the washington
monument. my sister got cramps. my brother lost his retainer. mom cried a lot.
dad took us to an orphanage."

naked, sweat-drenched strangers MikWright COASTER

12/18/2012 10:14:40 AM

4"x 4" foam coaster.durable,
washable, absorbent and lots of fun! "if you think i'm gonna spend another six months
cooped up with a bunch of half-naked, sweat-drenched, foul-mouthed strangers...
you're right!"

CLOSEOUT 80% OFF

never meant to fly coach... TAMPON CASE

3/22/2013 1:25:46 PM

never meant to fly coach... TRAVEL TUMBLER

10/18/2012 12:46:37 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! perfect for your morning coffee commute! "i was never meant to fly coach!" 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe.

never meant to work TRAVEL TUMBLER SALE

3/22/2013 1:23:01 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! perfect for your morning coffee commute! "i was never meant to work." 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe.
Reg. $13.95

never meant to work. D-shaped TRAVEL BAG

11/3/2012 3:10:39 PM

here's a great D-shaped hand bag that you're sure to love!
"i was never meant to work." (now that says it all!)

CLEARANCE 30% OFF

never meant to work. Bridge TALLEY PAD

7/25/2011 11:05:58 AM

you gotta get this talley pad simply because it's such a great photo and caption! "i was never meant to work."

CLOSEOUT 30% OFF

never meant to work... pink lined small TOTE HAND BAG

2/29/2012 11:16:52 AM

a really cute small pink lined tote that says it all! "i was never meant to work!" (this should be the bag you carry to work!)

never meant to work... APRON

11/27/2012 9:57:23 AM

finally an apron that says it all! Generously sized 100% cotton with adjustable D-ring neck. Machine wash and dry.

" i was never meant to work."

CLOSEOUT 30% OFF

Never meant to work... HOSTESS APRON

11/15/2011 2:58:26 PM

MikWright Hostess Apron. 50%OFF CLOSEOUT

27"W x 30"H approx.
100% Cotton. Appliqued image.
One size fits most.
Machine wash cold. Tumble dry low.

Text reads: i was never meant to work.

CLOSEOUT 30% OFF

never meant to work.... TAMPON CASE

3/22/2013 1:25:29 PM

never measured up... CARD

12/21/2012 1:27:33 PM

howard boasted that he had a lot of experience under his belt. frankly, he never measured up.

CLOSEOUT

news flash lorraine CARD

8/11/2010 2:48:24 PM

news flash charlotte... your "you know what" does stink! happy birthday.

nine pound ham CARD

12/21/2012 12:20:31 PM

sir, how does it feel to be the first man to give birth?

"how does it feel? you try shooting a nine pound ham out your ass!"

no aplogies / flawless... TRAVEL TUMBLER SALE

3/22/2013 1:22:42 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! perfect for your morning coffee commute! 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe.

"i make no apologies for being flawless."

no bi's, no butches... CARD

12/21/2012 11:46:15 AM

exotic cornfed princess in search of lipstick-dirtbike duchess. no bi's, no butches.

CLOSEOUT

no underwear HANKY

1/13/2012 9:34:30 AM

hilarious hankies!(10 count)
caption reads: you know, i'm not wearing any underwear.

no underwear... PHOTO ALBUM

6/22/2012 3:55:20 PM

organize twenty-four 4x6 photos
quickly with this handy portable album that makes an original gift or simply fashionable storage.Includes mailing envelope! "you know
i'm not wearing any underwear"

CLEARANCE

no underwear... TRAVEL TUMBLER

10/18/2012 12:52:44 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! makes a great gift! 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe! "you know i'm not wearing any underwear. SAVE$ 4

NON boxed holiday SET 998 (grandma smashed)

11/24/2010 4:45:41 PM

Sale! 6 cards/env. WITHOUT A BOX! Six Holiday PRINTED VERSION (printed image) holiday cards.

Same greeting as "real" photo card #538, " 'twas the night before christmas and grandma was smashed."

NON-BOXED holiday COMBO SET 999 (trip to liquor store/relax have a cocktail)

1/13/2011 9:28:16 AM

"holidays with the family are always a trip... a trip to the liquor store." & "every year during the holidays it's nice to just relax and have a cocktail. and then, after the holidays, it's nice to just relax and have a cocktail. cheers!"

(6 each of 2 styles NON BOXED)

non-stop to hell TRAVEL TUMBLER

10/18/2012 12:47:04 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler!

"yes ma'am, how many frequent flyer miles would it take to send someone nonstop to hell?"

16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe.

nude bowling CARD

11/3/2010 9:46:52 AM

so help me god lorraine, if elected, my first duty will be to reinstate nude bowling.

ob/gyn... TAMPON CASE

2/22/2013 11:40:08 AM

office christmas party/ baby favors floyd NAPKINS

11/20/2010 2:02:42 PM

CLOSEOUT SALE!
3 ply beverage napkins,
perfect for the next office or home christmas party!
caption reads: remember the office christmas party when dottie got so plastered?
f.y.i.- the baby's three months old and strongly favors floyd form accounting.

out of office. STICKY NOTES

7/27/2010 12:04:41 PM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! 40 sheet pad of sticky notes
that features our new best seller, "wake me up when he's out of office."

out of prozac... COASTER

12/2/2012 11:53:42 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "being a mother has been the best experience of my life. that reminds me... i'm out of prozac."

out of prozac... PHOTO ALBUM

9/21/2012 9:50:36 AM

organize twenty-four 4x6 photos
quickly with this handy portable album that makes an original gift or simply fashionable storage.Includes mailing envelope! "being a mother has been the best experience of my life. that reminds me...i'm out of prozac."

CLEARANCE

outsourced diaper changes... COASTER

4/19/2012 9:39:16 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "i'm sorry dear, but mommy has outsourced your diaper changes to your daddy. you'll find him on the sofa watching the game."

pants are full of crap. MAGNET

11/27/2012 10:00:53 AM

another magnet you gotta add to your collection! "like most politicians my pants are full of crap."

CLOSEOUT 50% OFF

pants full of crap. LINED NOTEPAD

12/3/2011 12:37:36 PM

a MikWright lined magnetic notepad that says it all! "like most politicians my pants are full of crap."

Party Cups! "Go Green"

4/30/2013 4:33:22 PM

Your next get together has got to have these party cups!

Set includes 4 styles of our most popular card designs.

Eight plastic 16oz. cups. Two of each design.

Guaranteed Fun! Dishwasher Safe. $2 OFF

pee a little... CARD

12/26/2011 9:55:44 AM

so i pee a little when i get excited. give a kid a break, santa!
happy holidays.

people person ... HANKY CLOSEOUT

1/13/2012 9:34:47 AM

mikwright humor for your nose!
our wildly popular card is now a hanky! caption reads,"do i look like a people person?" 10 hankies per package.

people person MikWright COASTER

1/24/2012 8:38:55 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent.
"do i look like a people person."

people person. TRAVEL TUMBLER SALE

11/3/2012 2:45:24 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! makes a great gift! 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe! "do i look like a people person?"
Reg. $13.95

period. end of discussion. CARD

12/21/2012 11:39:48 AM

you didn't want to be around madge when it was that time of the month. period. end of discussion.

period. end of discussion. MikWright COASTER

11/3/2012 4:42:17 PM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent.
"you didn't want to be around madge when it was that time of the month. period. end of discussion."

CLOSEOUT 80% OFF

perm to be beautiful... CARD

8/2/2011 9:22:16 AM

stylish yet practical, phyllis learned at an early age... "you don't have to have a perm to be beautiful."

CLOSEOUT

pie crust so flakey... CARD

12/21/2012 1:22:16 PM

hank, i've got to know your secret! how do you get your pie crust so flaky?

CLOSEOUT

piece of meat... COASTER

9/16/2011 4:18:01 PM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "hey, i'm not just a piece of meat, you know!"

CLOSEOUT 80% OFF

plastic surgery... CARD

12/21/2012 11:47:20 AM

dear diary, last night i became a woman. thank god for plastic surgery.

play one on t.v. CARD

12/21/2012 1:26:14 PM

i'm not always a bitch; i just play one on t.v.

politician full of crap TRAVEL TUMBLER SALE

10/18/2012 12:53:39 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! "like most politicians my pants are full of crap." 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe.

Reg. $13.95

politicians... COASTER

11/25/2012 2:07:03 PM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "like most politicians my pants are full of crap."

polyester / peroxide NAPKINS

3/16/2011 10:04:22 AM

pack of 20, 3 ply napkins.
these are fun! "hence the age old question; which came first the polyester or the peroxide?"

polyester / peroxide COASTER

12/2/2012 11:54:39 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "hence the age old question; which came first... the polyester or the peroxide."

CLOSEOUT 80% OFF

polyester / peroxide HANKY CLOSEOUT

1/16/2012 3:39:20 PM

pack of 20 tissue hankies. we put the fun back into runny noses. (yes, we're weird)
"hence the age old question; which came first... the polyester or the peroxide?"

polyester / peroxide TRAVEL TUMBLER SALE

10/18/2012 12:53:21 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! makes a great gift! 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe! "hence the age old question; which came first... the polyester or the peroxide?"

Reg. $13.95

polyester or peroxide MAGNET

10/2/2012 3:40:39 PM

we love this magnet! "hence the age old question; which came first the polyester or the peroxide?"

CLOSEOUT 50% OFF

prancer... beverage NAPKINS

11/12/2009 12:54:23 PM

package of 20, 3-ply holiday beverage napkins. napkin reads: " who's gonna tell santa about prancer?"

psalm CARD

1/3/2013 1:51:27 PM

(this card is blank - the photo on the front of this card depicts a stone marker which has the following engraved text: "Peace be within thy walls")

purge / finish every bite CARD

12/21/2012 12:23:16 PM

young lady, you will not purge until you've finished every last bite!

rat's ass... purple lined small TOTE HAND BAG

6/8/2012 9:20:12 AM

this really cute small purple lined tote says it all, and is totally hot!

you'll be the envy of all your friends! "do i look like i give a rat's ass?"

CLEARANCE 30% OFF

rat's ass... medium TOTE

12/17/2012 9:45:06 AM

you gotta get this tote!
heck, you need two!
it's our famous, "do I look like I give a rat's ass?" on a totally cool tote!

SALE $1 off

rat's ass... PURSE PAD

4/3/2013 11:55:11 AM

"do i look like i give a rat's ass?"

Perfect for note taking on the go, fits in your pocket or purse. Each epoxy front memo pad has a locking pen loop that we outfit wtih a mini ballpoint. Each pad has 56 page. 4 1/4" X 2 3/4" X 1/4"

rat's ass... TRAVEL TUMBLER SALE

12/1/2012 3:41:59 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! perfect for your morning coffee commute!

"do i look like i give a rat's ass?" 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe.
Reg. $13.95

rats ass PINE AIR FRESHENER

4/2/2013 9:58:42 AM

SALE! Reg. $3.95! finally an air-freshener that mixes humor with a freshly mopped floor-pine scent! perfect for your car or stinky closet! it's a fresh pine scent without the messy sap!

regift it ... CARD

12/23/2012 1:49:39 PM

it's sort of the one i wanted. but hell, i can always regift it.
happy holidays.

reuse that sign... STICKY NOTES

7/27/2010 12:03:04 PM

SOLD OUT! CLOSEOUT SALE!! this pad of sticky notes says it all! "how many times can she reuse that sign?" (40 sheets)

reuse that sign... NOTEPAD

10/19/2009 9:42:10 AM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! 85 sheet magnetic notepad featuring our famous, "how many times can she reuse that sign."

river bank CARD

1/3/2013 1:50:51 PM

imagine a place. our place.

roll down the window CARD

1/12/2011 11:56:01 AM

oh, for god's sake edgar, roll down the window! happy birthday.

ronnie collins CARD

12/28/2009 10:40:04 AM

christmas is.....by ronnie collins. well, there was joseph and mary, and, then, um, some reindeer flew off with three wise guys, and the grinch stole jesus. can i open my presents now?!

roses CARD

5/9/2013 12:16:26 PM

if you weren't my friend, i would want you to be.

save on airfare. CARD

12/23/2012 1:45:42 PM

this year i've decided to spend the holidays with friends. my uncle is really sick, so i'll save on airfare and see the family at his funeral.

CLOSEOUT

sell it all frank... COASTER

11/7/2012 8:20:00 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent.

These are 1/2 price because of a faint reddish tint on left side of coaster.

"sell it all frank! these days i need my assets to be liquid; as in top shelf rum, vodka, or gin."

sex is beneath me... HANKY CLOSEOUT

2/29/2012 11:22:46 AM

fun pocket and travel size tissue packs!

"sex is beneath me. (if it's any good)

sexual harassment... PILL / CONDOM CASE

12/13/2012 12:48:58 PM

Hip Retro, MikWright Personal Cases are perfect for pills, jewelry, condoms and all sorts of must-have trinkets. Removable plastic insert dividers give you tons of options to organize and prepare for almost anything.

"sexual harassment? hell, i'd pay to be fondled."

$3 OFF

shoulder to drink on... TRAVEL TUMBLER SALE

11/3/2012 2:56:01 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! perfect for your morning coffee commute! 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe.

"sometimes you just need a shoulder to drink on."

Reg. $13.95

shrimp on buffet MikWright COASTER

12/4/2012 8:55:55 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent.
"hurry up and take the damn picture, lillian! they're going to run out of shrimp on the buffet!"

CLOSEOUT

sicker than I thought. STICKY NOTE

11/3/2011 12:30:33 PM

get these stickies and start sticking! "if you're thinking what i'm thinking, than you're sicker than i thought".

CLOSEOUT 30% OFF

sir ...CARD

9/6/2011 10:31:43 AM

don't look so sad eunice. it makes me equally upset to have someone call me sir.

CLOSEOUT

size queen COASTER

11/28/2012 2:39:55 PM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent.

"size queen."

CLOSEOUT 80% OFF

sleeps well with others. COASTER

12/27/2012 10:58:30 AM

4x4x3/16" MikWright coaster.
durable, washable, absorbent and fun! "sleeps well with others."

CLOSEOUT 80% OFF

smelt it/dealt it CARD

10/17/2011 9:55:20 AM

you know what they say edna... she who smelt it dealt it.

happy birthday

CLOSEOUT

solstice

5/9/2013 12:15:02 PM

sun running highest. nothing else touches the sky except the june wind.

some eggnog... NAPKINS

11/12/2009 1:00:08 PM

20-3ply napkins. another perfect napkin for your holiday parties! "momma loves her some eggnog."

spilled my seed... CARD

11/12/2012 10:55:25 AM

father, forgive me for i have sinned. yesterday i spilled my seed. now, my mother's garden is ruined.

CLOSEOUT

start with her "do"... COASTER

2/18/2012 11:20:47 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent and fun! "let's just start with her "do" and then we'll work on her don'ts."

CLOSEOUT 80% OFF

steal artificial sweetener. COASTER

12/11/2012 4:11:41 PM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "known to steal artificial sweetener."
CLOSEOUT

stick pony (holiday) NOTEPAD

3/10/2011 10:08:17 AM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! 85 sheet (holiday) magnetic refrigerator notepad.
pad reads: " excuse me santa. kent gets a wood-burning set, a tractor trailer rig, an etch-o-sketch,blue jeans,and a card game? well...i've been screwed again, only this time by a stick pony."

strength CARD

5/9/2013 12:16:51 PM

look within. you will find strength.

stud that bucked me... CARD

12/21/2012 11:42:08 AM

you should see the stud that bucked me saturday night!

CLOSEOUT

sulking sarah... CARD

12/21/2012 1:19:57 PM

quit sulking sarah! at least you didn't find him with a good looking man.

CLOSEOUT

sweep/something straight... CARD

1/14/2013 9:57:30 AM

do me a favor son... be a good boy and sweep everything again. your daddy and i need to go upstairs and get something straight between us.

CLOSEOUT

tall, dark, and on top of me. COASTER

12/19/2011 10:14:16 AM

4x4x3/16" MikWright coaster.
durable, washable, absorbent and fun! "maureen, he's everything i've ever wanted in a man... tall, dark, and on top of me."

taste like chicken HANKY

1/20/2011 11:43:10 AM

SALE! 10-pack of totally fun hankies featuring our favorite cow! "mmm...tastes like chicken."

the baby favors floyd. CARD

10/18/2010 9:48:14 AM

remember the office christmas party when dottie got so plastered?

f.y.i. - the baby's three months old and strongly favors floyd from accounting.

happy holidays

the cream finally cleared it up. CARD

1/11/2012 9:13:51 AM

hey! remember what you gave me last year for christmas? well, the cream finally cleared it up.

happy holidays.

the kids? holdiay beverage NAPKINS

12/28/2009 12:05:23 PM

20-3ply napkins. these holiday napkins really say it all. "the kids? out back playing with their new empty boxes." (perfect for birthdays too)

then you fry. CARD

12/21/2012 11:09:01 AM

life's a bitch...
then you fry.

happy birthday.

therapy by new year's NAPKINS

4/21/2010 9:29:55 AM

pack of 20, 3ply beverage napkins. having a party? get
these napkins! i'll be home for christmas. (and in therapy by new year's)

thirsty / cappuccino MUG CLOSEOUT

11/3/2012 2:39:52 PM

12 oz. porcelain mug. take this mug to your favorite coffee house! "you're damn right i'm thirsty! now which one of those things make cappucino?" microwave and dishwasher safe too!

CLOSEOUT 40% OFF

thirsty/cappucino CARD

1/21/2013 8:31:09 PM

you're damn right i'm thirsty! now which one of those things makes cappuccino?

this time with clothes on CARD

2/13/2012 11:26:35 AM

i can hardly wait to see him again ... this time with clothes on.

CLOSEOUT

tight-assed stripper... COASTER

4/3/2012 4:34:54 PM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "next time would it be too much to ask for a hard-bodied, tight-assed stripper?"

timmy only answers to jessica. MAGNET

1/11/2012 2:57:56 PM

here's our take on the family holiday letters we get every season. magnet reads:
happy holidays everyone! kent is now eleven and still wets the bed. danny turns eight in january and is failing remedial math class. timmy, our six year old, only answers to "jessica".

tonight we study uranus... CARD

2/13/2012 11:23:08 AM

homework stinks!
tonight we have to study uranus.

CLOSEOUT

touch CARD

5/9/2013 12:16:36 PM

so simple. so sweet.

trailer trash CARD

5/12/2010 2:21:36 PM

everyone agreed, selma was the epitome of trailer trash.

trip to the liquor store. NAPKINS

12/23/2012 2:08:44 PM

pack of 20, 3 ply beverage napkins. you need these! napkin reads: holidays with the family are always a trip... a trip to the liquor store.

turkey / butt look big. (holiday) beverage NAPKINS

5/23/2012 10:12:26 AM

20 3-ply cocktail napkins with the sweet sentiment, "does this turkey make my butt look big?" perfect for thanksgiving or any december holiday!

turn the other cheek...MikWright COASTER

6/10/2011 3:50:50 PM

4"x 4" foam coaster.durable,
washable, absorbent, and lots of fun! "sometimes you just gotta turn the other cheek."

turn this boat around... COASTER

11/3/2012 4:47:07 PM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "don't make me turn this boat around!"

two mules CARD

12/21/2012 11:37:26 AM

you may see a man with two mules. i see three jackasses.

unattainable... PURSE PAD

10/29/2012 1:36:33 PM

"he's just your type- unattainable."

Perfect for note taking on the go, fits in your pocket or purse. Each epoxy front memo pad has a locking pen loop that we outfit wtih a mini ballpoint. Each pad has 56 page. 4 1/4" X 2 3/4" X 1/4"

vases CARD

5/9/2013 12:16:02 PM

just today i thought of you and smiled. it happens alot.

(on this card we have a gramatical error. should be "a lot" however
card is printed as above)

velveeta... COASTER

12/2/2012 11:52:39 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "grandma always said, "who needs sex when you've got velveeta?"

CLOSEOUT 80% OFF

vodka for breakfast. Bridge TALLEY PAD

4/11/2013 2:56:35 PM

Pep up your next bridge game! "vodka... it's not just for breakfast anymore" talley pad.

CLOSEOUT $3 OFF

vodka for breakfast... BRIDGE SCOREPAD

4/11/2013 2:56:50 PM

Leave it to MikWright to make your next bridge game one to remember- even if you lose!

CLOSEOUT $4 OFF

vodka isn't just for breakfast... BAR TOWEL

8/26/2011 11:36:49 AM

it's MikWright's super soft, super absorbent, super hilarious, 100% cotton bar towel!

"vodka... it's not just for breakfast anymore."

CLOSEOUT 30% OFF

wake me up... MAGNET

8/13/2012 9:08:01 AM

you need this magnet!
magnet reads: "wake me when he's out of office."

CLOSEOUT 50% OFF

wake me when he's out of office CARD

1/28/2013 10:21:16 AM

wake me up when he's out of office.

wanda / batteries OVAL SHAPED TRAVEL BAG

12/2/2011 3:44:14 PM

here's a cute travel bag that you must add to your collection! (everyone will be jealous!)

CLEARANCE 30% OFF

wanna piece of this? COASTER

1/11/2012 8:44:04 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "you wanna piece of this?"

we all know one... LUGGAGE TAG

12/11/2012 4:08:57 PM

Here's a luggage tag that will identify your bag as uniquely yours and also add some fun to your travels!

"we all know one. yoga student, vegetarian, democrat, fifteen minutes from bankruptcy."

Tag is made of durable plastic featuring ample area on the back to write your name and contact information.

CLEARANCE

whatever it is...MAGNET

11/28/2011 7:57:00 AM

you gotta get this magnet! it sums it all up in just a few words! caption reads,"whatever it is...no"

where's it written. CARD

6/11/2012 10:14:48 AM

where's it written that our kids should be better off than us.

whiskey collection CARD

12/21/2012 11:07:12 AM

sorry about the birthday present.
my thirteen cats need shots, my cousin is still in jail after that jerry springer incident, the trailer needs new underpinning, and my whiskey collection is down to airplane mini's.

white meat CARD

9/26/2011 10:31:04 AM

don't be so naive peggy. when marge was talking about the other white meat, she wasn't talking about pork. happy birthday.

CLOSEOUT

why the hell do I get up... TAMPON CASE

1/11/2013 10:04:33 AM

wildest dreams! TRAVEL TUMBLER

10/18/2012 12:53:05 PM

a totally cool (or hot!) MikWright travel tumbler! makes a great gift! 16 oz. molded plastic. dishwasher safe! "...in your wildest dreams!"

woke up stiff this morning... CARD

11/11/2011 11:02:29 AM

i woke up so stiff this morning.
(but i didn't get any complaints from the other side of the bed.)

CLOSEOUT

work a crowd CARD

6/25/2012 9:29:37 AM

your mother sure knows how to work a crowd.

world on with her smile... COASTER

4/3/2013 10:28:01 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "who can turn the world on with her smile?"

WTF? PURSE PAD

10/23/2012 11:37:27 AM

seriously? really? c'mon. WTF?

Perfect for note taking on the go, fits in your pocket or purse. Each epoxy front memo pad has a locking pen loop that we outfit wtih a mini ballpoint. Each pad has 56 page. 4 1/4" X 2 3/4" X 1/4"

you aint sayin nothin ... MikWright COASTER

2/18/2012 11:20:25 AM

4"x 4" foam coaster.
durable, washable, absorbent, and a hit at parties! "girl, you keep talkin' but, you ain't sayin' nothin'."

CLOSEOUT 80%OFF

you disgust me... CARD

4/29/2013 10:41:35 AM

you disgust me.

(oh yeah, happy birthday.)

you keep talkin'. Bridge TALLEY PAD

7/25/2011 11:05:42 AM

it's the "you keep talkin' talley pad!" it's simply the perfect talley pad for the avid bridge player!

CLOSEOUT 30% OFF

you're just dizzy. COASTER

8/2/2011 3:15:10 PM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "the world doesn't revolve around you...
you're just dizzy."

you're one sick puppy... CARD

12/21/2012 11:12:08 AM

yo dawg...
you're one sick puppy.
happy birthday.