MikWright.com - Sales & Clearance

$3 bill CARD

12/30/2009 2:21:02 PM

i was just three when i met my uncle roy's roommate william. dad still calls him "$3 bill."

$50 an hour CARD

12/30/2009 2:09:38 PM

those were the days. not exactly fancy and free... more like fancy and fifty dollars an hour. happy birthday.

(and in therapy by new year's) CARD

12/28/2009 10:48:05 AM

i'll be home for christmas.
(and in therapy by new year's)

ain't got no list... PHOTO ALBUM

12/30/2009 3:06:49 PM

organize twenty-four 4x6 photos
quickly with this handy portable album that makes an original gift or simply fashionable storage.Includes mailing envelope! copy reads:
i ain't got no list santa. but could you bring mama a complete set of teeth, a veg-o-matic, and a fith of vodka?

alien baby CARD

4/8/2009 11:26:43 AM

perhaps there was some truth to dorothy's alien abduction story.

amputated arm CARD

12/30/2009 2:16:07 PM

they tell me i used to lay in bed with father's amputated arm to get me to go to sleep. wasn't that sweet?

asparagus tip CARD

3/5/2010 12:59:56 PM

mildred, eunice, and elaine met last saturday in downtown lancaster for lunch at the chat and chew cafe. all hell broke loose when elaine started choking on an asparagus tip. mildred got her emergency procedures screwed up and began mouth to mouth. well, you can imagine the rumors that started.

babe magnet CARD

12/30/2009 2:10:09 PM

the salesman was right... what a babe magnet! happy birthday.

back hair CARD

12/30/2009 2:25:26 PM

let me down martin! i'm losing my grip on your back hair!

bad hair day CARD

12/30/2009 2:20:32 PM

like you've never had a bad hair day?

balls out of the gutter... STICKY NOTES

11/12/2009 2:53:31 PM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! sticky notes featuring a classic MikWright photo and caption, "he had a hard time keeping his mind and his balls out of the gutter." (40 sheets)

baseball/cheerleader CARD

4/8/2009 11:26:01 AM

every year he would try out and every year he would get cut. finally he gave up cheerleading and signed up for baseball.

been a little gassy CARD

12/30/2009 2:37:12 PM

sorry i haven't called. i've been a little gassy.

both be tickled CARD

10/8/2009 11:01:13 AM

if i had that set of wheels and he had a feather up his ass, we'd both be tickled.

happy birthday.

Boxed Holiday Cards ... dear santa

12/28/2009 10:56:03 AM

Inside you'll find incredibly fun printed (non photo attached) holiday cards with all the holiday humor you expect from MikWright! INSIDE reads: "dear santa, here's a picture of our chimney. please e-mail me the dimensions of your ass, because i don't think this is gonna work. love, emily"
12 cards with envelopes.

Boxed Holiday Cards ... therapy by new years.

12/28/2009 10:56:19 AM

Inside you'll find incredibly fun printed (non photo attached) holiday cards with all the holiday humor you expect from MikWright! INSIDE reads: "i'll be home for christmas. (and in therapy by new year's)"
12 cards with envelopes.

Boxed Holiday CARDS ... trip to the liquor store.

12/28/2009 10:55:23 AM

Inside you'll find incredibly fun printed (non photo attached) holiday cards with all the holiday humor you expect from MikWright! 12 cards with envelopes. INSIDE reads: "holidays with the family are always a trip...a trip to the liquor store".

Boxed Holiday Cards .... monica/martini

12/28/2009 10:55:43 AM

Inside you'll find incredibly fun printed (non photo attached) holiday cards with all the holiday humor you expect from MikWright! INSIDE reads: "monica, dear, there is no santa. now be a sweetheart and fix mommy another martini". (happy holidays). 12 cards with envelopes.

BOXED holiday COMBO SET 999 (trip to liquor store/relax have a cocktail)

12/28/2009 10:56:45 AM

12 cards per box! (6 each of 2 styles) Inside you'll find PRINTED (non-"real" photo attached)holiday cards with all the holiday humor you expect from MikWright! This set includes card #537 "holidays with the family are always a trip... a trip to the liquor store." & #527 "every year during the holidays it's nice to just relax and have a cocktail. and then, after the holidays, it's nice to just relax and have a cocktail. cheers!"

brontosaurus CARD

12/30/2009 3:03:36 PM

many scientists believe that the brontosaurus could consume up to 3 tons of vegetation a day. that's a lot of crap! happy birthday.

cake in the oven CARD

12/30/2009 2:21:33 PM

not now mom, i'm a wreck. i've got a cake in the oven, i'm supposed to meet sidney at the ballet by eight, and i still haven't packed for key west. now, for the last time mother... i still don't have a girl friend.

call the prison CARD

12/30/2009 2:24:01 PM

now if you kids can't stand still, i'm going to call the prison and tell your mother!

carnival girl CARD

12/30/2009 1:51:08 PM

i love you madly!

chimney / dimensions of your ass CARD

12/28/2009 10:48:22 AM

dear santa,
here's a picture of our chimney. please e-mail me the dimensions of your ass, because i don't think this is gonna work. love, emily

clark / marlene CARD

12/30/2009 2:14:33 PM

clark was handsome, no he was pretty. with that porcelain skin and kind nature and a flair for gourmet cooking; well, we all said a silent prayer for marlene.

cleaning my oven CARD

12/30/2009 2:24:51 PM

right now i'm cleaning my oven.

click here CARD

12/30/2009 2:45:00 PM

click here to enlarge.

coffee CARD

12/30/2009 1:55:49 PM

we have so much to talk about.

connect part a to b... CARD

12/28/2009 10:38:55 AM

1. connect part a to part b using parts e,f, and g.
2. insert ice into glass and add vodka to tonic.
3. connect lips to glass and liquid to mouth.
4. repeat steps 2 and 3 as necessary.
5. happy holidays.

cough syrup CARD

12/28/2009 12:00:45 PM

has anyone seen the cough syrup?

curb your pet! CARD

12/30/2009 2:45:44 PM

curb your pet!

d.n.a. results... STICKY NOTES

11/12/2009 2:54:23 PM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! 40 sheet pad of sticky notes.
"don't worry sweetie, we'll know soon. the d.n.a. results come back friday." (jerry springer needs these!)

daydream CARD

12/30/2009 1:51:57 PM

my daydream goes something like this...

dear santa... COASTER

12/28/2009 11:58:34 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "dear santa, here's a picture of our chimney. please e-mail me the dimensions of your ass, because i don't think this is gonna work."

dear santa... NOTEPAD

11/12/2009 12:15:25 PM

85 sheet magnetic fridge notepad. we love this notepad!
dear santa, here's a picture of our chimney. please e-mail me the dimensions of your ass, because i don't think this is gonna work. love, emily

do something about your hair CARD

12/28/2009 10:42:55 AM

from my house to yours...

can't you do something about your hair?

season's greetings.

does this turkey... medium TOTE

12/4/2009 12:18:36 PM

the perfect bag!
caption reads: does this turkey make my butt look big?

dog paddle CARD

4/8/2009 11:17:19 AM

hence the phrase... dog paddle.

doors CARD

12/30/2009 1:53:33 PM

the choice will become obvious.

drama queen... NOTEPAD

11/12/2009 12:14:35 PM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! it's classic MikWright humor on an 85 sheet magnetic notepad! pad reads: "much like yourself, christine enjoyed drama and was a queen."

drunk by seven MAGNET

11/12/2009 3:30:33 PM

you gotta get this magnet! it's one of our personal favorties! magnet reads, "mother of five. grandmother of twelve. drunk by seven.

ed's got gas... CARD

12/28/2009 11:40:19 AM

i'll say one thing about ed... when it comes to gas, he's always got it. happy birthday.

eight inches CARD

12/28/2009 10:42:07 AM

so i called mavis to tell her i got eight inches last night and, of course, the bitch claimed she got nine. happy holidays.

eldora's breasts CARD

12/30/2009 3:02:03 PM

eldora couldn't resist a chance to look at leona's half exposed breasts.

elvis in your planters wart CARD

12/30/2009 2:50:38 PM

oh my goodness!
i can see the image of elvis in your planters wart.

empty boxes... CARD

12/28/2009 10:34:41 AM

the kids? out back playing with their new empty boxes.
season's greetings.

ended the relationship... STICKY NOTES

11/12/2009 2:54:05 PM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! one of our most popular sticky notes! "we ended the relationship as friends. you can e-mail him at lying-cheating-son-of-bitch.com" (40 sheets)

every last one has been a dog. CARD

12/30/2009 2:46:18 PM

poor guy...
every last one has been a dog.

father's special balloons... CARD

12/28/2009 10:35:56 AM

kids!!! are those your father's special balloons from the bedroom nightstand?

season's greetings.

feeling anal CARD

12/30/2009 2:32:58 PM

feeling a little anal?

feelings CARD

12/30/2009 2:19:22 PM

i was truly moved by your mother's rendition of "feelings."

felt like a fart CARD

12/28/2009 10:41:31 AM

i'm sorry santa. it "felt" like just a fart. happy holidays.

felt like a fart. PHOTO ALBUM

12/30/2009 3:06:12 PM

Organize twenty-four 4x6 photos
quickly with this handy portable album that makes an original gift or simply fashionable storage. Includes mailing envelope! album cover reads: i'm sorry santa. it "felt" like just a fart. happy holidays.

fifth of vodka (holiday) beverage NAPKINS

12/28/2009 12:04:42 PM

20 3-ply beverage napkins for every white-trash holiday get together. napkin reads, "i ain't got no list, santa. but, could you bring mama a complete set of teeth, a veg-o-matic and a fifth of vodka?"

fifth of vodka CARD

12/28/2009 10:41:49 AM

i ain't got no list, santa. but, could you bring mama a complete set of teeth, a veg-o-matic, and a fifth of vodka?

fits my wallet. CARD

12/28/2009 10:48:40 AM

(whatever it is, i just hope it fits in my wallet or my liquor cabinet.)

flowers to arrange. NOTEPAD

7/13/2009 10:52:12 AM

CLOSEOUT SALE!!85 sheet magnetic refrigerator notepad. pad reads, "o.k., now that's enough boys! we've got flowers to arrange."

for the love of god, kathleen CARD

12/30/2009 3:01:09 PM

for the love of god, kathleen, he doesn't care about your hair! and if he does, maybe he should be going out with your brother.

friskey devil CARD

12/30/2009 3:09:04 PM

i'll drink to that you frisky devil!

full moon CARD

10/8/2009 10:58:05 AM

step right up... just 50 cents to see a full moon in broad daylight.

future in foundations CARD

12/30/2009 3:00:39 PM

selling cosmetics dorm to dorm started out as a goof. but, the day they delivered his pink cadillac, david knew he had a future in foundations.

gimme your wallet (gotta love n.y.) CARD

12/30/2009 2:36:22 PM

give me your tired, your poor... gimme your wallet! (you gotta love new york)

glimpse of bad side CARD

4/8/2009 11:33:35 AM

it wasn't until we got to the islands that i got a glimpse of his bad side.

glued my eyes shut CARD

12/30/2009 2:27:19 PM

it was the last time i ever saw wes. that night i accidentally glued my eyes shut in crafts class.

go burn one. CARD

6/9/2009 11:57:28 AM

finish up that dry turkey and we'll go burn one. happy holidays. (also available on napkins!)

go-go boots CARD

12/28/2009 11:28:55 AM

oh, and santa, i would also like a pink dinette set, a u-bake-it kitchen, and some white go-go boots for my g.i. joe.

got nipple? CARD

12/30/2009 2:39:19 PM

got nipple?

grandma was smashed. CARD

12/28/2009 10:47:27 AM

'twas the night before christmas and grandma was smashed.

grandma was smashed... COASTER

12/28/2009 11:57:12 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "twas the night before christmas and grandma was smashed."

grandma's guest towels... CARD

12/28/2009 10:36:18 AM

amber alert. last seen using grandma's holiday guest towels.

happy campers CARD

12/30/2009 2:58:15 PM

meet sven and olga, the original happy campers.

have a cocktail. (holiday) NAPKINS

2/12/2010 1:38:27 PM

package of 20, 3-ply holiday beverage napkins. napkin reads: "every year during the holidays it's nice to just relax and have a cocktail. and then after the holidays, it's nice to just relax and have a cocktail."

have a cocktail. CARD

12/28/2009 10:45:11 AM

every year during the holidays it's nice to just relax and have a cocktail. and then, after the holidays, it's nice to just relax and have a cocktail. cheers!

haven't checked the pound CARD

12/30/2009 3:02:34 PM

now that he's gone, i love you best! but remember, we still haven't checked the pound.

happy birthday.

home for christmas... COASTER

1/26/2010 1:37:12 PM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "i'll be home for christmas. (and in therapy by new year's)

home for christmas... NOTEPAD

11/12/2009 12:15:01 PM

85 sheet magnetic fridge pad,
featuring a classic MikWright line, "i'll be home for christmas. (and in therapy by new year's)

home for the holidays (holiday) NOTEPAD

12/28/2009 11:01:43 AM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! 85 sheet refrigerator notepad. reads "i ran into so many pricks that day i thought i was home for the holidays."

howard boasted/never measured up CARD

12/30/2009 2:33:36 PM

howard boasted that he had a lot of experience under his belt. frankly, he never measured up.

hung... CARD

12/28/2009 10:37:47 AM

the stockings weren't the only things hung.
happy holidays.

i can always regift it. NOTEPAD

11/12/2009 12:15:46 PM

85 sheet magnetic fridge notepad. perfect for holiday shopping lists! "it's sort of the one i wanted. but hell, i can always regift it."

i love it. what is it? NAPKINS

12/28/2009 12:04:15 PM

20 3-ply holiday beverage napkins catching the essence of re-gifting! napkin reads, "i love it (what is it?) it's perfect (what were they thinking?) it's just what i wanted! (i hope they saved the receipt!)

i love it. what is it? CARD

12/28/2009 10:46:01 AM

i love it!

(what is it?)

it's perfect!

(what were they thinking?)

it's just what i wanted!

(i hope they saved the receipt)

happy holidays.

in your wildest dreams... STICKY NOTES

11/12/2009 2:53:49 PM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! a sticky note that makes 'em laugh! caption reads, "in your wildest dreams!" (40 sheets)

induced mary... CARD

12/28/2009 10:37:17 AM

word on the street is, they induced mary on the 25th so joseph could use the baby as a tax deduction.
merry christmas!

inner self... STICKY NOTES

11/12/2009 2:56:47 PM

it's time to upgrade your sticky notes to MikWright's hilarious versions! "i'm trying to stay in touch with my inner self. (which, incidentally, is illegal in 37 states)" (40 sheets)

interpretive dance CARD

12/30/2009 2:22:56 PM

mabel! are you teaching that boy to cook? what next... interpretive dance?

isn't that queer CARD

12/30/2009 2:07:01 PM

george always seemed to have a lot in common with the ladies. often he would stop by dottie's to gossip over brunch. then it was straight back to the machine shop. isn't that queer? happy birthday.

jane likes dick CARD

12/30/2009 2:43:45 PM

jane likes dick.
dick has a big ... rooster.

jessica (holiday) CARD

12/28/2009 10:44:51 AM

happy holidays everyone! kent is now eleven and still wets the bed. danny turns eight in january and is failing remedial math class. timmy, our six year old, only answers to "jessica."

jessica (holiday) beverage NAPKINS

11/12/2009 12:54:08 PM

package of 20, 3-ply holiday beverage napkins. one of our holiday favorites! napkin reads: "happy holidays everyone! kent is now eleven and still wets the bed. danny turns eight in january and is failing remedial math class. timmy, our six year old, only answers to "jessica"."

jesus puppy CARD

12/28/2009 10:40:33 AM

and just then jesus appeared and said ... "hey, kid. it's my birthday and that's my puppy."

kids better off... CARDS

12/28/2009 10:38:16 AM

where's it written that our kids should be better off than us?
happy holidays.

knick knacks - CARD

12/28/2009 10:45:44 AM

not sure what to get me for christmas?

i could always use a few more knick-knacks.

season's greetings.

knick knacks NOTEPAD

11/12/2009 12:14:12 PM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! 85 sheet magnetic notepad.
the photo is priceless! pad reads: not sure what to get me for christmas?
i could always use a few more knick-knacks.

knick-knacks... beverage NAPKINS

11/12/2009 12:57:46 PM

a pack of 20, 3-ply napkins.
check out the photo! caption reads: not sure what to get me for christmas? i could always use a few more knick-knacks.

laid in lauderdale CARD

12/30/2009 2:15:39 PM

i gotta tell ya. our cruise was great. we danced in the dominican republic, sang in san juan, golfed in guadaloupe, and got laid in lauderdale.

laid on NOTEPAD

12/10/2008 1:06:59 PM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! 85 sheet magnetic notepad
with our now famous words:
"you know, with everybody getting laid off, i'm just wondering when i'm going to get laid on."

lake norman CARD

12/30/2009 2:13:52 PM

lake norman was a wonderful spot to ponder the past and to "let" a silent killer if you so happened to be downwind.

last year for christmas. NOTEPAD

11/10/2009 11:41:18 AM

85 sheet magnetic notepad.
(we love this notepad!) pad reads: hey! remember what you gave me last year for christmas? well, the cream finally cleared it up.

later i went fishing CARD

12/30/2009 2:35:39 PM

after i got him home i couldn't believe the size of it. later i went fishing.

like mother like son. CARD

12/28/2009 10:39:37 AM

like mother, like son.

happy holidays.

lipstick and a wig CARD

12/30/2009 2:37:48 PM

dear mom, prison is not so bad after all. my cellmate, leon, is really nice. p.s. please send lipstick and a wig.

love X3 CARD

12/30/2009 1:52:32 PM

i love you. i love you. i love you.

loves her some eggnog! CARD

12/28/2009 10:48:59 AM

momma loves her some eggnog!

season's greetings.

lying s.o.b. CARD

12/30/2009 2:18:48 PM

i'm still waiting for that letter you promised... you lying son-of-a-bitch!

marcian! marcian! marcian! CARD

12/30/2009 2:23:29 PM

marcian! marcian! marcian! why is everything always about marcian?

momma loves eggnog. COASTER

12/28/2009 11:59:11 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "momma loves her some eggnog!"

monica there is no santa. NOTEPAD

11/3/2009 2:33:48 PM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! 85 sheet magnetic notepad.
you gotta get this pad! pad reads: monica, dear,
there is no santa. now be a sweetheart and fix mommy another martini.

monica... no santa. COASTER

12/28/2009 11:56:36 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "monica, dear, there is no santa. now, be a sweetheart and fix mommy another martini."

mother's rash isn't CARD

12/30/2009 3:04:44 PM

well, at least for now, we know where your mother's rash isn't.

mouth CARD

12/30/2009 2:15:05 PM

(can't you just imagine sitting next to "mouth" on a greyhound bound for austin.)

mr. right now STICKY NOTES

11/12/2009 2:50:55 PM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! a pad of sticky notes featuring our hunky family farmer. (yes we know this man!)
caption reads, "finally,mr. right!(or at least mr. right now)" (40 sheets)

mr. right now NOTEPAD

11/30/2009 10:22:56 AM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! 85 sheet magnetic refrigerator notepad.
note pad reads: "finally, mr. right. ( or at least mr. right now.)

news flash lorraine CARD

12/30/2009 2:08:41 PM

news flash charlotte... your "you know what" does stink! happy birthday.

no bi's, no butches CARD

12/30/2009 2:32:26 PM

exotic cornfed princess in search of lipstick-dirtbike duchess. no bi's, no butches.

nude bowling CARD

12/30/2009 2:31:49 PM

so help me god lorraine, if elected, my first duty will be to reinstate nude bowling.

ouch! CARD

12/28/2009 10:45:26 AM

all i want for christmas is my two front teeth... ouch! make that a thumb and a ring finger.

out of office. STICKY NOTES

11/12/2009 2:55:43 PM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! 40 sheet pad of sticky notes
that features our new best seller, "wake me up when he's out of office."

pee a little... NAPKINS

1/8/2010 2:28:04 PM

20, 3-ply cocktail napkins. These are perfect for your next holiday get together!

pee a little... CARD

12/28/2009 10:36:45 AM

so i pee a little when i get excited. give a kid a break, santa!
happy holidays.

period. end of discussion. CARD

12/30/2009 2:28:40 PM

you didn't want to be around madge when it was that time of the month. period. end of discussion.

perm to be beautiful CARD

4/8/2009 11:24:46 AM

stylish yet practical, phyllis learned at an early age... "you don't have to have a perm to be beautiful."

pie crust so flakey CARD

12/30/2009 2:26:04 PM

hank, i've got to know your secret! how do you get your pie crust so flaky?

plastic surgery CARD

12/30/2009 2:51:50 PM

dear diary, last night i became a woman. thank god for plastic surgery.

play one on t.v. CARD

12/30/2009 2:30:32 PM

i'm not always a bitch; i just play one on t.v.

prancer CARD

12/28/2009 10:42:24 AM

who's gonna tell santa about prancer? merry christmas.
(also available on notepads and napkins!)

prancer... beverage NAPKINS

11/12/2009 12:54:23 PM

package of 20, 3-ply holiday beverage napkins. napkin reads: " who's gonna tell santa about prancer?"

psalm CARD

12/30/2009 1:56:11 PM

(this card is blank - the photo on the front of this card depicts a stone marker which has the following engraved text: "Peace be within thy walls")

rats ass PINE AIR FRESHENER

12/26/2008 8:14:53 AM

SALE! Reg. $3.95! finally an air-freshener that mixes humor with a freshly mopped floor-pine scent! perfect for your car or stinky closet! it's a fresh pine scent without the messy sap!

regift it ... CARD

12/28/2009 10:35:03 AM

it's sort of the one i wanted. but hell, i can always regift it.
happy holidays.

reuse that sign... STICKY NOTES

2/13/2009 9:15:35 AM

SOLD OUT! CLOSEOUT SALE!! this pad of sticky notes says it all! "how many times can she reuse that sign?" (40 sheets)

reuse that sign... NOTEPAD

10/19/2009 9:42:10 AM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! 85 sheet magnetic notepad featuring our famous, "how many times can she reuse that sign."

river bank CARD

12/30/2009 1:55:28 PM

imagine a place. our place.

ronnie collins CARD

12/28/2009 10:40:04 AM

christmas is.....by ronnie collins. well, there was joseph and mary, and, then, um, some reindeer flew off with three wise guys, and the grinch stole jesus. can i open my presents now?!

roses CARD

12/30/2009 1:54:00 PM

if you weren't my friend, i would want you to be.

save on airfare. CARD

12/28/2009 10:47:45 AM

this year i've decided to spend the holidays with friends. my uncle is really sick, so i'll save on airfare and see the family at his funeral.

screw clarence CARD

12/30/2009 2:18:18 PM

as i stand here and reflect, i ask myself... was i right to screw clarence?

seven swans a swimming. CARD

12/28/2009 10:42:39 AM

seven swans a swimming, six geese a laying... (make that 3 geese a laying) happy holidays.

sir CARD

12/30/2009 2:13:20 PM

don't look so sad eunice. it makes me equally upset to have someone call me sir.

smelt it/dealt it CARD

12/30/2009 2:07:29 PM

you know what they say edna... she who smelt it dealt it.

happy birthday

solstice

12/30/2009 1:50:42 PM

sun running highest. nothing else touches the sky except the june wind.

some eggnog... NAPKINS

11/12/2009 1:00:08 PM

20-3ply napkins. another perfect napkin for your holiday parties! "momma loves her some eggnog."

speaking of fruit cakes... CARD

12/28/2009 10:35:27 AM

speaking of fruit cakes, when does your nephew get in from san francisco?

pass the cranberries.

speaking of fruit cakes... COASTER

12/28/2009 10:58:08 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent and fun! "speaking of fruit cakes, when does your nephew get in from san francisco?" pass the cranberrires.

spilled my seed CARD

12/30/2009 2:38:25 PM

father, forgive me for i have sinned. yesterday i spilled my seed. now, my mother's garden is ruined.

stick pony (holiday) NOTEPAD

12/28/2009 11:02:47 AM

CLOSEOUT SALE!! 85 sheet (holiday) magnetic refrigerator notepad.
pad reads: " excuse me santa. kent gets a wood-burning set, a tractor trailer rig, an etch-o-sketch,blue jeans,and a card game? well...i've been screwed again, only this time by a stick pony."

strength CARD

12/30/2009 1:55:09 PM

look within. you will find strength.

stud that bucked me CARD

12/30/2009 2:55:55 PM

you should see the stud that bucked me saturday night!

sulking sarah CARD

12/30/2009 2:22:20 PM

quit sulking sarah! at least you didn't find him with a good looking man.

sweep/something straight CARD

4/8/2009 11:34:16 AM

do me a favor son... be a good boy and sweep everything again. your daddy and i need to go upstairs and get something straight between us.

taste like chicken HANKY

11/12/2009 1:42:28 PM

SALE! 10-pack of totally fun hankies featuring our favorite cow! "mmm...tastes like chicken."

the baby favors floyd. CARD

12/28/2009 10:46:43 AM

remember the office christmas party when dottie got so plastered?

f.y.i. - the baby's three months old and strongly favors floyd from accounting.

happy holidays

the cream finally cleared it up. CARD

12/28/2009 10:46:25 AM

hey! remember what you gave me last year for christmas? well, the cream finally cleared it up.

happy holidays.

the kids? holdiay beverage NAPKINS

12/28/2009 12:05:23 PM

20-3ply napkins. these holiday napkins really say it all. "the kids? out back playing with their new empty boxes." (perfect for birthdays too)

therapy by new year's NAPKINS

12/28/2009 10:51:46 AM

pack of 20, 3ply beverage napkins. having a party? get
these napkins! i'll be home for christmas. (and in therapy by new year's)

this time with clothes on CARD

12/30/2009 2:43:16 PM

i can hardly wait to see him again ... this time with clothes on.

tonight we study uranus CARD

12/30/2009 2:41:14 PM

homework stinks!
tonight we have to study uranus.

top down CARD

12/30/2009 2:52:42 PM

how odd. when her top was down, she was usually in the back seat.

touch CARD

12/30/2009 1:54:46 PM

so simple. so sweet.

trailer trash CARD

10/8/2009 10:57:00 AM

everyone agreed, selma was the epitome of trailer trash.

trip to the liquor store. CARD

12/28/2009 10:47:02 AM

holidays with the family are always a trip... a trip to the liquor store.

trip to the liquor store... COASTER

12/28/2009 11:56:56 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "holidays with the family are always a trip... a trip to the liquor store."

turkey / butt look big. (holiday) beverage NAPKINS

1/8/2010 2:27:32 PM

20 3-ply cocktail napkins with the sweet sentiment, "does this turkey make my butt look big?" perfect for thanksgiving or any december holiday!

turkey make my butt look big... COASTER

2/1/2010 9:59:19 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "does this turkey make my butt look big?"

vases CARD

12/30/2009 1:53:12 PM

just today i thought of you and smiled. it happens a lot.

wallet / liquor cabinet... COASTER

12/28/2009 11:58:51 AM

4"x 4" foam MikWright coaster. durable, washable, absorbent. "(whatever it is, i just hope it fits in my wallet or my liquor cabinet.)"

war hero CARD

12/30/2009 2:29:49 PM

he may have been a war hero alright, but he never had the guts to buy the old lady a box of tampons.

white trash christmas CARD

12/28/2009 10:41:16 AM

let me say three words about your twig on a card table...
white
trash

christmas.

happy holidays!

woke up stiff this morning CARD

12/30/2009 2:44:14 PM

i woke up so stiff this morning.
(but i didn't get any complaints from the other side of the bed.)

zinnias CARD

12/30/2009 2:20:04 PM

ernest was mesmerized by the size of clara's zinnias.