who doesn’t love a bargain?

[inside card]
no worries. when in doubt, just go with the fro. happy birthday.

[inside card]
most likely to work in women's shoes. happy birthday

[inside card]
crisis creates opportunity... or hysteria. happy birthday.

[inside card]
he's just your type... unattainable. happy birthday.

[inside card]
another year older, another year closer to E.D. happy birthday.

[inside card]
apparently it's two-for-one down at the rope 'n ride. happy birthday.

[inside card]
have you tried the poop du jour? happy birthday.

[inside card]
dude, quit creepin'. happy birthday.

[inside card]
i'll save you! i'll save you! (right after i rescue the booze) happy birthday.

[inside card]
it's a bird! it's a plane! ...nope, it's that creepy taxidermist next door.

[inside card]
if you're afraid of what he's got up his sleeve. you'll be shocked at what he's got down his pants. happy birthday.

[inside card]
to thine own self be medicated. happy birthday.

[inside card]
grandma always said, "who needs sex when you've got velveeta?" happy birthday.

[inside card]
she's one of the sweetest people you'd ever want to meet. (i can't stand to be around her.) happy birthday.

[inside card]
don't worry sweetie, we'll know soon. the d.n.a. results come back friday. happy birthday.

[inside card]
oh, hell no.

[inside card]
bigger isn’t always better. sometimes i long for a small dingy.

[inside card]
i'm done with men. that leaves me with just one nasty oral habit.

[inside card]
to be honest, he's not really into grills.

[inside card]
if i were any gassier, i'd be you.

[inside card]
can't type. hates to file. scared of the phone. luckily, her new position puts her directly beneath boss.

[inside card]
i'm unfriending you. i have little or no interest in the color of your stool.

[inside card]
don't mess with a menopausal mama!

[inside card]
...how many times do i have to tell you to put the damn toilet seat down?