MikWright has an off-kilter greeting for any birthday or all-occasion need.

random quips make your card choice stand out and provoke “something.” crack open a box of wine. peruse. proceed.

 
 

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786 - four steps to a better you
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785 - no "i" in team
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784 - i declare an emergency
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783 - gigantic tease
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782 - ancestor123
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781 - don't start that shit
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780 - bon jour
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779 - salted caramel pot brownies
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778 - 39? ship has sunk
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777 - last injection
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776 - don't worry about forgetting stuff
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775 - juice cleanse
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774 - same shit every year
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773 - overachiever
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772 - #almostdrunkenough
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771 - kick somebody's ass
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770 - go with the fro
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769 - my happy face
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768 - my busy season
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767 - melons looking droopy
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765 - four hour erection
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762 - stiffer your joints
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761 - six doctors
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760 - doubt your choices
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758 - what happens in vegas
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757 - third day without a b.m.
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756 - this getting old shit
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754 - bat-shit crazy
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753 - just when you thought
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752 - high
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751 - wrinkles in that birthday suit
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750 - advice with a grain of salt
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749 - to be honest
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746 - looked into the mirror
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744 - laughed at their own farts
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742 - stuck to the naugahyde
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741 - raise skirt, lower expectations
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740 - sex-o'clock somewhere
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738 - roll of laundry quarters
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737 - peace, prosperity and promiscuity
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736 - phone sex and dark chocolate
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735 - early bird special
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734 - you'd be ecstatic too
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731 - work in women's shoes
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730 - trashy is as trashy does
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729 - crisis creates opportunity
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727 - queen for a day
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722 - like you never drank dinner
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721 - own a mirror
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720 - unattainable
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719 - ho at this hoedown
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718 - take a load off
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717 - closer to E.D.
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716 - girl to girl
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715 - a donation on your behalf
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100 - rope 'n ride
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099 - cougar need some catnip
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098 - poop du jour
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097 - good colon cleanse
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096 - quit creepin'
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095 - ticket to ride
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094 - i'll save you
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092 - hire the neighbor kid
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091 - i ripped one
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090 - it's that creepy taxidermist
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089 - loves her some boxed wine
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088 - birthdays are always a trip
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086 - relax and have a cocktail
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083 - what's up his sleeve
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081 - to thine own self be medicated
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075 - wave goodbye to youth
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072 - last time i checked was now
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070 - sums up your youth
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069 - one of my favorite people
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059 - velveeta
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058 - kitchen fart
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057 - wiener shrinks when it hits pool
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053 - good bowel movement
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047 - call it a hobby
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042 - i can't be around her
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040 - whatever age you claim to be
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039 - dog years you'd be dead
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038 - discount sperm bank
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035 - dna results
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030 - low on vodka
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023 - monica martini
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437 - flying these days
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436 - username password
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435 - global warming
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434 - crap on your phone
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433 - chase my tail
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432 - see something... say something
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431 - debby did dallas
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430 - put the election behind
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429 - dance like everyone's watching
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428 - not enough middle fingers
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427 - coffee / prune juice
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426 - waving that thing in my face
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424 - oh, hell no
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423 - casual friday
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422 - we're not stupid
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421 - working from home
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420 - one little mistake
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419 - in my office
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418 - trouble in paradise
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417 - slap and tickle
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416 - pull your own finger
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415 - get this over with
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414 - new norm
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413 - mood ring chardonnay
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412 - cheat sooner
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411 - speed dating beaver lodge
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410 - something stuffed
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409 - blocking the beer
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408 - equally annoying
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407 - shit out of her closet
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406 - buy another bowel
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405 - drinkin' single
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404 - i've become my mother
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403 - small dingy
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402 - counting carbs
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400 - throw on a tube top
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399 - marry for brains
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398 - feel a sin
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397 - exhilarating / exhausting
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396 - blue jumper
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395 - premarital sex
$1.95 $3.95
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394 - cookie exchange
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393 - nasty oral habit
$0.99 $3.50
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392 - livin la vida
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391 - don't i look gorgeous
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390 - not into grills
$1.69 $3.50
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389 - if i were any gassier
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387 - directly beneath the boss
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386 - unfriending you
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385 - medical marijuana card
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384 - seriously?
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383 - love for sale
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382 - weekends and holidays off
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381 - menopausal mama
$1.75 $3.50
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380 - toilet seat down
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379 - hell of a guy
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377 - marked the spot
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376 - think's he's straight
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375 - show me yours
$0.99 $3.25
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374 - even farts the blues
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373 - liquid assets
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372 - it finally dawned on me
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367 - mile high club
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364 - did you get his last name
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363 - flatulates 14 times a day
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361 - hello vodka
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358 - the note inside said
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355 - sex is beneath me
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350 - oh my god
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347 - simon says
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346 - flight attendant slapped
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345 - fifteen minutes
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344 - constipated the marriage
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343 - a word with your son
$0.99 $3.25
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342 - bitch mode
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341 - my job to disappoint
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338 - grandma farts
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333 - homework/refill themselves
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324 - straight to time out
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318 - what's making you wheeze
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314 - little blue pill
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313 - tall, dark, on top of me
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312 - turn the world on
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302 - never meant to work
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301 - decorate it
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295 - lester / lube joint
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294 - showing his wiener
$3.95
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291 - brides clinical trials
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290 - come out with your hands up
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288 - reptile dysfunction
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279 - love hurts
$2.49 $3.95
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274 - running down the other leg
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268 - doublewide conception
$1.69 $3.25
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267 - get laid on
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260 - whatever it is
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242 - don't blame me wanda
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239 - makeup is all wrong
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203 - fashion first
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188 - welcome to alabama
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171 - shrimp on the buffet
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168 - in retrospect
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156 - rat's ass
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154 - no underwear
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148 - zinnias
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143 - big. bigger. just right.
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142 - deviled egg carrier
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112 - jello / bitch please
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600 - some days there aren't enough...
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601 - coffee is my friend...
$0.99 $3.95
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602 - marry for money...
$0.99 $3.95
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603- i love a man in uniform...
$0.99 $3.95
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604 - i'm not ignoring you...
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605 - get your ass over here!
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606 - they can put a man on the moon...
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